A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello cupid I have been pursuing a girl for three months and I seem to like her. I have started to see a pattern where I have to always initiate the conversation and when I do, we seem to talk for quite a long time (in person or text)! If I don't, I won't hear from her even after some time of ignoring . She only initiated conversation twice in that time.She gets along with me pretty well and have a great time with me. I believe she was hurt before so she's coming as very careful but I don't know. I even tried telling her I will like her to initiate sometime but she hasn't done that (only once after that)I know it's not a big deal who initiates but I want to see some effort from her side as well so I take it further. I know she's a kind of person who doesn't usually reply to people on text but she always does reply to me.I even asked her if I was troubling her and she told me I never trouble her. I even asked her to give me time more in person and she did !Now she's having some bad days and I'm giving her space as I am not sure if I should be there for her or just give some space. I tried talking and she didn't seem like sharing so I ignored her completely. (Should I ask her at times if she's fine or anything or would that trouble her ?) (If I write, talk to me when you like , she'll only say sure, thank you but never initiate !So what so I make of all this ? Should I keep on pursuing her and what can I do to make things in forward direction ?Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): Sounds familiar. Most people who have a bad experienced from their past relationship will really act more careful. Trying their best to stay away from heartaches. You seem really like her that much. Otherwise you wont spend your time writing here. To be honest, i think she likes you too. You felt it.when you talk to her through text and in person,based from your story you guys enjoyed each others company. If you really like her,seriously like her then go for it. Start talking to her again,until such time she learns to trust you. Im sure she will call and text you first once she knows that you can be trusted. But if your not serious about her, better leave her alone. Love is all about taking chances. If she's all worth it then what are you waiting for?life is too short. Enjoy every moment.good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 She is warning you because she doesn't know when she will be ready again. It's also telling you don't wait for her if there's another girl you like. It's hard to say to her, "When you are ready let me know" because it sounds impatient.
Hang out with her because you like spending time with her, not because you want to move things forward. If she doesn't initiate it means she's not ready.
There is also a possibility that she's not crazy about you but using the "hurt" reason sounds better and easier to swallow. You will always wonder if a guy she fancies comes to her, then all that "hurt" vanishes then you would feel like a fool for waiting so long. I honestly feel 3 months is long.
You are hanging onto hope which is fine. You should wait as long as your patience allows you. It's not really pursuing if the girl hangs out with you out of politeness. All you could do is wait or realize there are girls who are out there and happier than she is.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (26 January 2014):
It doesn't sound like you're pursuing her at all, just friend zoning yourself. If you like a girl don't let things be stagnant, move them forward. The longer you wait the more likely another guy will come along or she'll lose interest.
How you go about doing that is something you can figure out. It's all dependant on her and the status of your relationship.
Try taking her out on a real date, a movie doesn't count since you're sitting there staring at a screen when you should be interacting.
If things go well take her hand, or give her a kiss. Bring her a nice (thoughtful) little gift. Etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe told me she's been hurt before so she just warned me. We hang out alone (like dates n movies) so I don't know where I stand.
I just want to take things slow so I dont come as I'm chasing for sex but actually admire her in person !
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (26 January 2014):
When you got to see her in person is it like a date or just to hang out as a friend? You talk to her regularly so you should be able to get some clue as to whether she likes you or not. It does not take 3 months to like a person. She is not your friend so she does not feel the responsibility to initiate conversations. Even if she is not interested in dating you, she is not going to say so. She does not have to feel troubled by it either. Some kind of attention is better than nothing. She could be hoping that by being cold you might get the message, but you might never know if you don't ask her out. You lose nothing if you keep trying. It's just that an average guy would be so bored after 3 months and not even a kiss. She is a waste of time for most guys but she must have some endearing qualities to keep you there and guessing.
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