A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was great friends with a guy a couple of years ago. Awesome friends... we started sleeping together after late nights at the bar or partying (this was in college) and I always told him we were just friends, I didn't want anything more... just friends with benefits. I also told him I wanted us to always be good friends no matter what. The following summer I got back together with my ex and my awesome friend with benefits was very upset... apparantly his feelings grew for me while mine did not for him. Since I moved away I have tried to get in touch a few times and he says its no big deal what happened but he never wants to talk and his actions speak more like he doesn't want me in his life anymore. I understand that his heart was broken and if this is how he wants it to be then that's okay and I should respect it... but I don't know if that's really how it is and I don't know if I should contact to him and see about clearing the air or if I should just let it all go... I guess I'm hurt also about the loss of the friendship. I tried so hard not to lead him on but I suppose actions speak louder than words, right? Should I contact him? Or should I just let it all go?
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Hi, It seems that although you were telling him all along that you were not interested in a relationship with him, he was not listening to you. He thought, even wiht your verbal messages to the contrary, that becasue you were sleeping wtih him, that had to mean that you liked him a lot. His picture of how things should go was very different than yours. What happened, I think, more than a broken heart, he feels that what happened was dishonest, even though you explained what you wanted or didn't want. He is angry because his version of what should have happened, didn't, you staying with him and being an intimate partner with a loving connection, which was not where you were, has messed with his head and he wants no reminder of that, which includes seeing and talking to you as a platonic friend. You probaly should leave him be, at least until he comes to grips with what happened. Somewhere in time, he will possibly talk to you again, but now he has to heal, and it takes different time frames for different people. He didn't get what he wanted, and in a way he is behaving like a spoiled kid, but he also thinks perhaps, that his emotins were toyed with, which you did not do, as you said you told him how you felt. But the problem is, that peoples' emotions sometimes, don't respond to logical words, when they are countinuously having sex with a person. Give him his time, and hopefuly some time in the future, he will be accessible again. His emotions have been damaged where you are concerned, and as a part of this whole thing, he wants to punish you in a way, by not being friends with you, if you can't care for him in a different way. Maybe send him a thinking of you friendship card, every now and then, but I would let him take his time with his own healing process.
Good luck to you in the future. Take care.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 Hi,
Waht a shame how things have worked out. I detect he wanted a little bit more than friends and that's probably the reason he has gone AWOL or at least unavailable. He liked you and was sad you were with another guy. I think maybe send a little letter to let him know how much you would want to keep in touch with him in the future and leave it where he can contact you whenever. I think he just needs time to heal a little bit. Hannah.
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