A
female
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anonymous
writes:The man I was seeing is now trying to get back with his wife and she is harassing me and telling everyone I stalked him and wouldnt leave him alone when in fact we had a 3 month relationship which he instigated and I finished. He had already split with her for a year when we got together. We live in a small town and she is plastering all over facebook nasty remarks about me and im just scared that I will get a reputation for myself as mud sticks, even though I have done nothing wrong. I am 30 he is 32. I feel like everyone is against me. When she messaged me I told her the truth that we were seeing each other and I wasnt just some weirdo stalking him but she wouldnt believe it. Im so embaressed I dont know what to do?
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ex-wife, facebook, stalking Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2014): Next time, don't date someone who is still legally married. Because he was not single, his wife has a right to question your morality and warn everyone that you don't respect other people's marriages. Whether they were having problems made no difference to his Married status. Let her vent and take it on the chin because you stepped on her toes.(.It goes without saying that her husband is a tool. But that doesn't make what you did ok.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): It will blow over. In the mean time, she's just making herself look like an ass by posting stuff about a woman she doesn't even know (you) on Facebook. Don't respond to any more messages from her, or him for that matter. I agree with the others who said he was the one telling lies to her about you in the first place. Believe it or not, ignoring it really is the best option. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but in the long run it WILL pay off. Block both of them on Facebook, and don't speak to either of them ever again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): If this woman has posted anything publicly slanderous on your name (if you can be clearly identified) that she cannot prove; she is giving you evidence for a liable and slander suit. Print it out and get signed affidavits from anyone who doesn't agree with what she says. Then lawyer-up.
There is a personal-price to be paid for hooking-up with married people. They have unfinished business with a spouse.
You give their spouse license to trash you on top of the scandal you've already made for yourself; by being involved with anyone who hasn't ended his/her marriage in divorce.
She is a scorned-woman betrayed by her husband. She is acting out in pain and anger. You worry about your reputation? How do you think she feels? What kind of stuff do you think he told her about you, to fuel her anger against you? You are the seductress in this drama. He is just a man. At least, that is how he portrayed you to her.
Harassing people and publicizing untrue statements in order to slander someone's character is illegal. Unless you plan to take legal action; I suggest you do just as Sageoldguy1465 says. Do absolutely nothing.
If it was your husband, and you knew the other woman; you wouldn't buy her flowers and greeting cards.
You can't playoff her feelings like you've done nothing to her. Her reputation and marriage was also damaged all over town. So now you're even. She has to face her family, friends, and co-workers. She was the wife who got cheated. Scandalous!!!
Other people know who the other woman is, and she lives in town. The-other-woman even travels in her circle of acquaintances. His wife is the topic of town-gossip. Imagine the looks she gets at the local super-market,and from her neighbors. If they have any children. There you have it. You were playing with matches near a gun-powder keg.
If you must, lay low and avoid places where you have mutual acquaintances for awhile. If people sympathize and believe what she says; perhaps they see her point. They only side with her; because she is the cheated-wife. They would judge you regardless of what she says; if they were always aware of the affair. Just keep that in-mind.
I don't like it when people trash other people. It's vindictive and cowardly. It's outrageous to run around bad-mouthing the mistress; when your own husband is the one she should be directing all of her anger. Her point being, she never had the opportunity to give him up first. Everyone carried on as if she was a fool and a nitwit.
You aren't innocent.
You are a co-conspirator in destroying a marriage. I'm sure he trash-talked her to you, in order to justify sexing you up. She knows that too. Pillow-talk was about how lousy a wife she is. How much better you are.
So there is plenty of blame, finger-pointing, and criticism to go around in your love-triangle. You invite this crap, by being a willing and fully-aware participant.
Allow a crazed and angry woman her due. Back-off and let all the dust settle. If you need to leave town to resurrect your life and reputation, do what you must. She is venting her frustrations in a rage. You downplay her feelings without placing yourself in her shoes. She is wrong; but betrayal has blinded her to rationality and fair-play.
Of all people, you should know that hell hath no fury as a woman scorned. You crossed the worst line you could ever cross. There is no excuse.
It doesn't matter who instigated or ended the affair. It happened, and didn't stop until everyone got their fill.
It was up to him and his wife to end their marriage; before he ventured out to find other relationships. You played a major part in bringing this on yourself. Sorry about that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2014): Don't like something on facebook? Block and delete those people. So what if she wants to talk shit? Responding to it emotionally or anything else would just feed into her campaign, just ignore it.
OP she's picking on you because you're a soft touch, who worries about what people think. I wouldn't have responded to her message with details of my personal relationships, that's none of her business. I don't know what you hoped to accomplish by doing that, OP. Oh and you know what? I bet he's the one who's been feeding her all this shit, because he certainly isn't stopping her.
Anyway, get rid of the fools, their "relationship" can't be all that great if she's so angry and looking for someone to punish. Stop allowing yourself to be a victim, frankly most people can see who the obsessed weirdo is by who is posting nonsense all over Facebook, people like that show themselves up, OP.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Sometimes, just being quiet can be uber-effective in disarming slander.... (Don't "do" a darn thing!!!!!)
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (5 March 2014):
 Yeah her impression of you is based on what the man has told her. There's nothing you can do to change that.
Try to rise above it. If it's a small town, I am sure people know what he's like. I don't see why you should get a reputation - you were single, he was separated and you had a brief relationship. No scandal there. Keep your dignity and wait for this to become yesterdays news.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 March 2014):
 If she keeps at it on Facebook contact FB and have her comments removed as harassment.
Other then that, not much you CAN do. Unless she keeps at it, if she does I would consider calling the police and ask what you can do. They might tell you that there is NOTHING you can do.
You dated a scuzzy chap who lets his ex-wife do this to you. BE glad he is out of your life.
Block her and HIM from your life as best as you can. It will blow over. Don't get into drama with this ex wife. If someone you know ask you about things this ex-wife has said, roll your eyes and set them straight but DO NOT do what she did/does - do't talk smack about her.
You know WHY she didn't want to believe you? Because HE painted you as some crazy ass stalker. He didn't want HER to be mad at him, so he made her focus on you. What a total loser!
Sorry, you have to deal with these two drama llama.
Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do as you can not control what other people do/say.
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