A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's ex has tried to come between me and him. She's just clinging on to what they had even though it's been over a year since they split. My friends tell me I need to tell her to back off. She still contacts him quite regularly. I'm not an agressive person. But I thought maybe if I try to get to know her, it might help. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Have the two of them sat down and discussed why their relationship didnt work out. I think that maybe she still has many questions that need to be answered. She obviously hasnt moved on yet and this is not fair to you. She needs to face her demons. You could meet her and kindly tell her to back off and at the same time talk to her. Only for the meeting however. She needs to understand that you CANNOT be friends but you just want to put things into perspective. Maybe your ex needs to break any kind of friendship with her. (It is hard to be friends with an ex). Either way something has to be done as ignoring doesnt always help. At first anyway. If nothing else works then ignoring is the best second option.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 I really think that she just wants to find some way to cling on to him, and if you should befriend her, she would just be using you to get to him. I don't think that I would bet any money on this working out or helping in the long run. Your friends probably had a better idea when they told you to tell her to back off. You should tell her with HIM right by your side, for added punctuation. Then she'll get the general idea. She's never going to get over him if she thinks she still has a chance, and if you are nice and gentle, protecting her feelings, she'll never get the message. Be nice, but be firm. Once she knows you are a solid couple, she'll leave him alone.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 people do that at times. it's a form of jealousy. they know it's over between them, but then the question keeps arising "why is she good enough for him and i'm not." they miss having what the two of you have now. i wouldn't be too hard on her, just have him ignore her attempts and it will start working its self out.
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