A
female
age
41-50,
*acsgrl
writes:I have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 months. We had an unusual start and were practically living together right after we started dating. it has been fine and we have not had any big problems but recently he has been saying he wants to have a threesome with another girl. I asked him why and he said he wants to watch me with another girl and while he wouldn't want to have sex with another girl he would like to do other things. This has made me feel very insecure like I am not good enough for him sexually. I am always up for trying new things and I probably want sex more than he does so I don't understand. I get that it is a guy fantasy but I have no real desire to do anything with another girl and I am afraid he may end up wanting to be with the other girl! He said he loves me and he wouldn't care who the girl was or what she looked like as long as I am comfortable but I said I didn't want to be with anyone but him. Then he said forget it I was good enough for him which actually made me feel worse!! I was thinking that this was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with but now I am having doubts that he is always going to be thinking about having a threesome. I don't want to feel insecure...what do I do??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): It's a male fantasy as we all aware of.. It's all good for the man.. but for some of us girls can make us very insecure and jealous watching the other girl making out with the guy.. I met some guy online that I've bn havn a relationship.. when he suggested it.. it made me so insecure and less attractive, like I'm not enough for him... I lied and said yea for sure we can try it.. but deep down i was not bn true... well my story is very different to ur.. but equally very upsetting to find out that he wants another woman too instead of just me in your case just you... U shouldn't feel you have to go ahead with this.. if u did, u'd pro feel so uncomfortable... and may regret it at the end.. if you like perhaps watch threesome porn, introduce it in that way, where you are not personally involoved, keep it a fantasy.. threesomes are not for everyone.....
A
female
reader, macsgrl +, writes (15 October 2008):
macsgrl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks to everyone for their advice. we talked about it and he hasn't brought it up again! thanks again
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): I read your post and had to question if I had written it myself, without realizing it. This past week, I have experienced the same exact situation, the same exact words, and have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months.
And yes, it made me feel extremely uncomfortable when he said "just do it to make me happy. I just want to see you two touch one another, I will just watch"...yet a few days before he insisted that I do not satisfy him sexually...and gets upset that I will not entertain the thought of another party in the bedroom until I feel secure enough with him in our relationship first.
First and foremost, take care of yourself. If you're not comfortable with it, explain your reasons to him. Explain that you are worried that jealousy may arise. Let him know (if you are seriously entertaining the thought) that you want to be in control of the situation at all times...lay ground rules...set parameters. Yes, intimacy with your other is supposed to be special and fun and comfortable, but if you feel as though something just wouldn't be right with inviting another into YOUR time with your boyfriend, then don't do it.
Holy cow, I'm still in shock at how exactly similar my situation is to yours...word for word...
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2008): He had a fantasy (one most men, as well as myself, share) and he broached it with you.
You didn't fel the same and he stored it back in his head.
What is the issue?
And don't buy for a second what the previous poster said. There is a reason no man wants to have sex with another man if he isnt bi or gay.
It's because a man's fantasy involves himself and himself alone. No other guy guest stars in a man's fanasy. One penis per fantasy.
That and two women together is simply more attractive then two men. Even women think so.
It's a double standard, yes. But one that just is what it is.
All of this being said, I think you are getting yourself in a worry over nothing.
If he is perfectly happy to let it be fantasy because you aren't interested, let him be. A man has to have his fantasies and nine times out of ten they don't involve his partner in any way (usually a hot celebrity).
Just try to keep things varied in other ways in the bed-room, help him create more fantasies so less time is spent on a threesome.
Lay off the guy, he's just being a normal human male.
Flynn 24
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