A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,You really got it wrong this time. I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year and am going through some hard times. I really love him, but after struggling for this whole time we were together I finally see the part of him I could never accept - he is really abusive to his family. He accidentally left the phone off the hook and in the background I hear his sister screaming and him calling her every expletive in the dictionary. I don't know what was going on, but I know that this is not a person I could ever marry of have children with. So. It's been 2.5 weeks and I've felt every minute of it. Right now, I cant imagine myself ever moving on and feeling about somebody else the same way I still feel about him. What suggestions do you have?Kind of a Mess and Just Hanging in There
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Thank you so much everybody for your great answers. I want to say how much I appreciate every single person who took the time to respond. Sometimes it is really hard to give yourself the support you need to get through some situations and hearing a kind word makes all the difference. I've started doing some yoga and that has been really helpful. Really, all the advice has been so helpful!
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (9 October 2007):
 Don't blame Cupid. Some times it's hard to know if someone is a jerk until you get to know them.
I'll give you the same advice that you've probably already read on here but I'll repeat it: Go out with friends; take a class in origami (or anything else that might interest you); join a bowling league (even if you can't bowl); or take up scuba diving. Just do something that will stimulate your mind and help you forget about the jerk. When you least expect it, Cupid will be launching another arrow in your direction. The next time, let's hope it's with Mr. Right.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (9 October 2007):
 The harsh reality of life is that not every relationship will work-as hard as we may try to help it along the way.
any relationship's ending is hard-whether it be a friendship, a romantic relationship, or otherwise. The best thing you can do for yourself is to take what you have learned about both your partner and yourself in the past relationship, and try to use it to help in futur relationships. Although futur partners will not be exactly the same as past ones, many experiences you can gain from dealing with people in general can help anyway.
be true to yourself, love yourself, and help yourself. let yourself cry if you need to, let yourself be angry, and let yourself feel what you need to-just don't let that anger and hurt take over your life...look forward, spend time with friends, and eat that snicker's bar you haven't allowed yourself to give into yet. you deserve it.
best of luck
xx
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (9 October 2007):
For awhile date no one. After a few months go out once a week and see how it feels. Date a few different guys. Find the kind of guy you want to live your live with.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (9 October 2007):
 No other advice is nessesary. Take Tigerlily's words very deeply to heart, because she is absoultely 100% Correct.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (9 October 2007):
Oh honey. I'm so sorry. But that's the rub isn't it? We love who we love. And sometimes we love people who are no good for us, or who are wrong for us. If we love ourselves, we let them go, we grieve and we move on. You just need time right now. When we have to let go of someone we love it's really hard. That's how it works. If it was easy to let go of, then love wouldn't be so special. Give yourself credit that you recognized that he wasn't right for you, be kind and gentle with yourself, surround yourself with people who are good for you, and in time you will heal. The love you had for this man will always be woven into your life, it will always be part of you. Because the pain will fade, but a part of the love will always stay. Baby steps. You will love again. Even if you can't imagine it. One day you will notice that you smiled. And then another day you laughed. And eventually you will notice hours went by and you didn't think about him. The a whole day. And then someone new will smile at you. And he will be right for you, in ways this man never could be.
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