A
female
age
36-40,
*****
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months coming to 10 months, since we've been together we have so many arguments and hes so possessive, he always tells me what I can and can't do, he's stopped me from seeing my friends even at work I'm not allowed to talk to the other staff, we had sex it was my first time. He's so controlling towards me. I kissed a boy when he was away, when he came back I told him and we broke up but even though we're back togther he's still controlling me, please help me I don't know what to do, I love him but I don't know if I should be with him, he always wants to know everything!!! please help me I'm 20 years old and he is 23
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (31 August 2007):
What your bf is doing is wrong, its ABUSE. Although he may not be phsyically hurting you, emotional and verbal abuse are just as bad and can have sever effects on a persons mind. He is controlling you and trying to isolate you from everyone- thats why he wont let you talk to anyone at work or see any friends. Abusers do this because they want you to become 100% dependent on them, so you dont think about leaving them bcause if you did, you would be totalyalone because you have been isolated from all the people who car about you. However you arent alone. You have us at dearcupid.org and there are MANY support services out there for victims of abuse.I think you should take a loook at this web site: http://www.dvirc.org.au/whenlove/ It talks about when love hruts and the symptoms of being in a abusive relationship. It also gives you support for geting out of an abusive relationship.Realising that what your bf is doing is wrong is the first step to geting out of this relationship. I know what its like to be stuck in an absuvie relationship and its not as easy as 'just leaving'. Despite how bad the person treats you, you may still love them, feel dependent and even alone if you were to leave them. BUt you ARENT alone. You have to realise that and also realise that life without them will be so much better. It may be a bit rough at the start but it will get better.I wouldnt suggest sticking around and hoping he changes. Abusers need professional help...until he has gotten that help I can prety much be 100% sure he wont change.Look forward to a better life where you dont feel controled or unhappy. Look forward to a life that you can be free and do what you want and not be scard about how your bf is going to react. Look up to a life where you can have as many friends as you want...you can have all this if you leave your bf.PM if you want to talk more, beause i truly do knwo what you are going through.
A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (30 August 2007):
I dated a woman who was much the same some years back and looking back now much as I thought the world of her then those months were the worst of my life. It sounds like he is very insecure but that is something he needs to deal with himself, not by controlling your life so he doesn't have to confront his insecurities. If you've already had lots of arguments about this talking about it probably isn't going to work. It's hard but personally I would tell him that you can't continue like this as it isn't fair on you, cite the kissing another boy as an example of how far he is pushing you away, and suggest taking a break from each other for afew weeks to let things calm down, catch up with your friends etc. Then you'll either lose him or hopefully he'll realise what a fool he's been, know that if he doesn't change he will lose you for good and make sure he stops controlling your life. Hope it works out :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): If you love him and honestly want to make it work you have to tell him that what he is doing isnt expectable. A close friend of mine allowed her ex husband to control her every move, she feels like she wasted the 6 years she was married to him. If you really want to make it work the only thing that you can do is to make him see what he is doing isnt right. I hope you sort this out. Good Luck.
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