A
female
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anonymous
writes:Help! I think my b/f has explosive anger disorder! He's normally pretty laid back and sweet most of the time, but sometimes when I try to talk about something that bothers me in our relationship, he flies into a rage that seems out of control. He's never physically abusive, but he screams at the top of his lungs and yells obscenities and rants and raves for what seems like an endless amount of time. Then it takes him hours to calm down. It's like he's on another planet and there's no talking him down. This seems abnormal to me and unhealthy. And it's creating an environment where I feel like I have no voice in our relationship for fear of setting off one of his raging fits. We can never discuss things calmly and rationally when it comes to certain things. The hot buttons are usually other women and the fact that he goes out of his way to be overly friendly to some of them, which sends out the wrong signals (like he's interested in them) and then they respond accordingly, I feel threatened by the competition. I've tried to tell him how it makes me feel when he flirts or acts overly interested in waitresses, or co-workers but he freaks out and flies into a rage before he's even heard me out. I don't think it's fair that I should just sit on my feelings, especially when it's something fairly simple to fix. It's like he won't listen to any kind of reason, and I'm not sure how to make my feelings go away. I don't mind it if he talks to other women, and I know he has to work on projects with some of them, but it's like he goes over the top to make them feel special and usually they think he's attracted to them. I'm starting to wonder if he is but I can't talk to him about my feelings for fear that he'll go off the deep end. How do I handle this situation?....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2006): This isn't a relationship. In a relationship you should be happy and talk about things openly WITHOUT fearing your partner; that's not part of it.
Next time he does it stand up to him and don't show any fear at all in your eyes and yell back to him to see how he likes it.
It sounds immature and childish but sometimes that takes people like that aback and they realise how they're behaving so they stop it.
If that doesn't work then leave him; you're worth twelve of him by the sounds of it. If you're scared of talking openly with him then where's the fun. He may be kind and sweet most of the time but that gives him no excuse to fly into a rage and treat you like he does.
Find a boyfriend that will treat you like the women you are.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 December 2006):
 Well, I understand your fears. What you haven't told us though is this, what are his actions towards the other women and how do you kow they feel as if he's coming on to them? How does her flirt? If your're with him and he's overly nice to a waitress, what does that mean?
You began by saying your guy might have "explosive anger disorder". Perhaps he does but from what you've told me, I might think that you're jealous and possessive and driving him crazy. You might also have some self esteem issues. I would like to hear some more detail.
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