A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in a realtionship for a year and 4 months with a guy that was controlling and emotionally abusive. We broke up in March and I haven't regretted it once. Let's call him Joe. Joe would be mad at me if I was texting ANYONE that was a guy, even though I've always had more guy friends then girls. He had a massive jealousy problem and he would make me feel horrible and guilty if I even said hello to a male friend. Eventually, all of my guy friends were gone and then he started isolating me from my girl friends. He would tell me I couldn't tell them about our fights, I couldn't talk to them about what we did sexually, I couldn't text them while I was on the phone with him, etc.. He was very controlling and I put up with it because I loved him. It's all over and done with now and I realize now how awful he was to me and how I was stupid to stay in the relationship.About a month after we broke up, my best friend met this guy. let's call him Bob. One day I was texting Bob for my best friend, being a wingman. Getting the details and what not. And then we just kept talking. As the weeks went by we got closer and closer and we had no romantic attraction for eachother, it was an honest girl-guy best friend relationship. Things ended up not working out between him and my best friend because she screwed him over, but Bob and I stayed best friends (she wasn't mad about that) The relationship just grew stronger and stronger and I felt like he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. After about 4 months of just talking best friend to best friend, we ended up dating and I've never been more happy.But here's the problem, the slightest hint of jealousy scares the shit out of me because I'm horrified I'll be controlled again without seeing it. He's not a jealous guy at all, like AT ALL, and he's NOTHING like Joe. I'm in love with him and he loves me and I want to spend the rest of my life with Bob. But when he gets a tiny bit jealous over normal things guys would get jealous over, like another guy touching my butt (don't worry, I don't let them do that. If someone does it I get very angry and let them know that's not okay and they'll stop.) but thats normal for a boyfriend to get a little upset over, and yet the slightest hint of jealousy scares the living shit out of me. I know he won't hurt me like Joe did, but how can i get over this fear?
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female
reader, rock202  +, writes (1 July 2011):
I would tell that openly to Bob - the amount of fear I feel when such things happen and maybe two of you together can make a strategy how to deal with it. But really make sure that he understands how big your fear is.
I have a similar situation (my fear is different, but the principle is the same) and I think I didn't put enough stress on how big fear I have so my bf doesn't take it so seriously. As the time is passing, I wish he would take me more seriously. I intend to speak with him and tell him how much I care for him, for our relationship, how much I respect what he is already doing etc. and also say that he maybe didn't get me serious enough. Will let you know how it went ;)
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (27 June 2011):
Think about what you just wrote and remember it:"He's not a jealous guy at all, like AT ALL, and he's NOTHING like Joe. I'm in love with him and he loves me and I want to spend the rest of my life with Bob."That alone should tell you enough- he's not jealous at all- he's nothing like your ex- you want to spend the rest of your life with himAs for the normal guy jealous things - as you said, it's normal guy jealous and nothing to worry about.
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