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He's married, I'm married, we went out..now what?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 March 2011) 1 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *JANN writes:

I know a men from fell years ago, always did think he was a good looking... Nothing was said between us, that made me think he liked me.

Anyway, I am married, got a son, but my realtionship is coming to a end soon. Can't be happy with my partner, can't be my self with him, he is selffish and is not nice to me never. We dont even have sex anymore. He doesnt know I m leaving him, and can't know until i am sure about my son staying with me, and i also have to find somewhere to go.

Back to the nice looking men now, he is also married. Dont think he has any plans to leave his wife, and he is 16 years older than me.

He asked me for my number, and i finaly gave it to him.

He calls me and text me alot... Is really nice to me... Listen to my problems and give me good advice about it.

I know he did and probably go out with another woman and this makes me fell jealous, like if he should be only mine.

I should never have gone out with him, i know. I m still with my husband, he isnt single.

I dont know what to do now. Is been only going on for about 2 weeks, but long enough to make me like him alot. I feel like i need to be with him...

What do i do now??? I cant say all this to him, but the first time i was with him, i told him that i could get to close to him and like him, but i dindnt want it to happen. He said it wouldnt happen, but it already did.

I feel so stupid and child like... How could i alow this to happen to me??? I knew it was just a play and done... just another one for him... Even knowing that he said i m not just one more, i feel like i am, and i m sure he said it just to try and make me feel better and let it happen.

Help me to sort it out pls... Thanks.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2011):

You cannot make him have more for you if he is not willing to. I am married and found myself having an affair with a married man. I am Christian and never thought that would be me. In fact, I used to be the one who said that an affair is a deal breaker. It wasn't until I found myself in a loveless marriage, two kids later that I realized how someone with the best of intentions end up cheating. My friend treated me like I never had been treated. He made me feel special, calling me everyday, talking to me for an hour at a time which is unheard of for a guy to want to talk for hours. Needless to say, I thought he was just a player. I felt like he had affairs just to have them. Well, his wife must have thought the same for she asked him to leave.

We were not talking for 6 mths and had just started talking a month before he found a place and moved out. He acted like he wanted to be my bf, yet told me that he was not making me any promises. Yes, I am still married and do plan on leaving my hubby, but I have NO ONE (family) and I have to make sure that I have enough money to move out as I do not want to move from one guy to the next. No, I am not moving out with hopes that my bf & I will get to gether. Anyway, he has never told me that he loves me. He did tell me that it was more than sex and actually proved it the other night. However, he told me that all he could be was a friend to me. Not sure if it is because I am married or because he wants to date around or because I have kids and he doesn't. I did not ask him, I was afraid of what I might hear.

I guess to make a long story short and trying not to take away from your post, you just have to figure out what you can handle. I got crazy jealous with my bf because I found him on a dating site. I have no right to be jealous of him cause I am married and he's not made me any committments, yet I still want him to be just mine. Selfish!?! I guess, but I want to believe that he does love me, yet deep down I don't know.

If you already know this guy just has affairs to have affairs, then consider yourself empowered by that and make a decision from there. Are you really jealous of him or the fantasy he created during a lonely time for you? This is the same question I ponder from time to time.

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