A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm in a long term relationship and currently engaged to be married in the next couple of years. The thing is, things seem different between me and my partner these days. It seems that over the years our roles have changed somewhat, I used to love how confident he was and how he was up for anything. But these days he lacks that confidence and is really clingy/ submissive.The thing is, over a year ago we split up for about 3-4 days because we'd had an arkward summer, and I thought that by breaking away we could see if it better that we weren't together as we've been together since high school (about 5 years) I thought that maybe we were just together 'cause we were so used to eachother. Anyway we went on a break and I made the mistake of sleeping with someone else, a stupid, drunken mistake. I know he's found this really have to get over and still thinks about it. But it was over a year ago, and we've got engaged and moved in together since then, our relationship had developed so much since then. But now I just get the feeling that he's so scared of losing me again that he'll do anything, but this has resulted in him becoming really submissive and it's like he's treading on eggshells all the time still. Like he's trying not to upset me so I won't leave... but I've told him hundreds of times that it was a mistake and I try to show him how much I love him all the time. We do have a great time together still, but this is always lingering in the background.I've tried so hard to build his confidence in us again, but it's really starting to get me down. Our sex life has taken the brunt of it, and to be honest the idea of us being like this for the rest of our lives it really scaring me. There is so much I want to accomplish in my life, but I always feel like I need to take a step back so he doesn't think I'm about to leave him again.I do love him very much, and I've tried so hard to make him happy. I could always picture being with him for the rest of my life until recently. I just don't know what I can do now... I wish there was a magic ball to tell me what my future will be like...
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a break, confidence, drunk, engaged, moved in, sex life, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): You are not ready for marriage. You may have slept with some other guy while the two of you were broken up...so I don't consider that cheating, but the fact that you can just have sex with a guy like that speaks to your character. If I were a man, I don't think I would get into a relationship with you because, I would be concered that everytime we got into a disagreement or we decided to take a break from the relationship, you would be somewhere with your legs opened to some other guy. You need to be single until you get to know your innerself. You are not ready for a serious relationship at all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your opinions guys! It's good to get some proper advice for a change. I know I've got a lot to think about and discuss with my partner now, but thank you for taking time to listen to my problem and giving me a meaningful opinion. =)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): I don't think he thinks of it as a 'mistake' but that you did to it willingly. IMO he needs to let you go. It's not good for anyone to stick with someone who has cheated on you. You keep thinking about the woman/man you love being shared by someone else, it's a scar that never goes away especially if you stick with them, it's emotional torture.He probably feels extremely unappreciated and or lacking for meeting your standards and feels that it was his fault for it all so he's overcompensating.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb  +, writes (30 October 2008):
 Some guys can take these things really hard. I am probably a lot like your boyfriend in this respect. I know I'd be torn up pretty bad about it and honestly don't know if I'd be able to get over it. Were you his first and only? That probably has a lot to do with it as well. To me this is his problem not yours. You broke up with him and you were honest with him about it, so it sounds like you really didn't cheat. However, even though you didn't technically cheat, I imagine that even a year later he is in a great deal of pain about this. That being said, he chose to get back together with you. If he wants to marry you, then he needs to forgove you and move on. Otherwise, if he can't get over this, and its very possible that he won't, you may have to walk away. Think long and hard about this relationship before you get married. It is very likely that no matter how much your man loves you, he may hold on to this forever.
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