A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:after 5 month of warnings i finally opened my eyes and i think i don't want to stay with him anymore:-he is a player- he is selfish- he always tests me- whatever he does its my fault and he never admits that he did something wrong- i'm never perfect in action- he is bad in bed- and he simply disappears when ever he feels like it and when he comes back i'm supposed to be their waiting to huge and kiss him and say i love u tooon the other hand- he is committed- he is very generous when he has to- thinks allot about the future and his responsibility to keep us together- i feel princess when we are alone - try to give me what i need in bed by fingering when his own doesn't do what i need- his picture alone makes me smile and every memory when he is gone makes me cry asking what did i do wrong?i gave hi a chance once and we talked about everything and for one whole day he was extra caring like i requested but then he went to the old hurting him1-should i accept him and live with neglect for 5 days a week knowing that when he will come back he will be missing me crazy?2-should i leave him and prevent extra hurt from hitting me?thanks for your help i realy need it
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): If he's a player he's not committed. Are you really so desperate that you'd stay with him?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): "i guess i'll wait one more month what do you think?"I think he's feeding you a load of BS to manipulate you into continue clinging to a dysfunctional relationship. "should i set my conditions to our relation ship now or after the month?"Neither. No viable, healthy relationship should require conditions. You should dump him now, but you probably won't and if you don't dump him now, then you should dump him after a month, but you probably won't.OP, from your response to fzald and previous anon you obviously don't want to listen to sound advice that you don't want to hear and so you won't want to listen to me. You will continue to latch on to "perfect" boyfriend as long as he tells you everything you want to hear, which is what makes him "perfect" in your eyes even though he's a lying, cheating, controlling, likely abusive scumbag.
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A
male
reader, fzald  +, writes (19 December 2012):
It is up to you if you want to give him another chance. If you do decide to give it ONE more shot, you need to be prepared to stick to your guns and leave him if he doesn't improve. He needs to know that this is serious, you expect a major change in his behavior and that you are prepared to split if he doesn't do something about this, and soon.One of the biggest mistakes we can make is to state to someone that we mean business, then not follow through. It says that you're weak, a pushover, and that you can basically be used and you'll still be there. Your guy needs to TRULY feel that he stands to lose YOU. My own story from this: I am in a relationship, and early on I was being clingy and kind of selfish towards my GF. After a while she got sick of it and dumped me. I was alone for a week or two, and it killed me. I realized what I was doing wrong, and that I wanted this woman in my life, and it was worth making these changes for the better, both for myself and for us. Luckily, she came back, on her own, because she missed me as well. But that temporary break gave me the chance to figure out what I needed to do to fix things.Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondear fzald and anonymous, he is really disturbing knowing that we have been together for 6 month in which in the first three he was perfect 7 days a week, after he got under pressure once and i offered my help and he refused it saying every thing is fine so i stepped away and for 2 days i waited for him to talk to me and he didn't and when he did i didn't respond in the same day and thats when he found how much weak he is without me, and from here on(the next three month) he changed into that horrible person.
just now i hung up a phone call with him in which he said from now on actions will talk along with words.
i guess i'll wait one more month what do you think?
should i set my conditions to our relation ship now or after the month?
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (18 December 2012):
It sounds to me like an emotionally abusive relationship. It's the typical pattern - a guy has his bad moments where he's mean, nasty, and downright cruel to you; then he has his good moments where he's the perfect ideal boyfriend in every way imaginable.A lot of emotional abusers really do love the person they're with. They just don't know how to properly handle stress, tension or hurt. They act out on the person they're closest to, in mean ways, knowing that the person will always come back. It's a destructive cycle. Every time you let him back, it reinforces the idea that he can always come back.The only hope I think there is for you two is for him (and maybe you as well, with him) to talk to a professional. His pattern of hot-and-cold is only going to get worse, and you're right, you'll be dragged along and hurt by it.
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