A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I am just like this girl here too. I am attracted to a guy who is 40 years older than me, i am 17. He is attracted to me too but not for my body. We have alot in common, for example, i am into the era he grew up in which is the 1960s and alot more. What can i do to make him notice me even more?He pays alot of attention to me when we used to talk on the cell phone, he also said he loves me and he means it too. What can i do? I love him too. Please help!
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male
reader, oldfool  + ♥, writes (29 April 2008):
 You haven't told us much about this guy yet. What's his availability? Married? Separated? Divorced? Has he got kids?
I don't find a 40-year age gap such a problem, but your absolute age is.
My personal view on this is that most girls don't know themselves or what they really want until they're about 25. As a 17-year-old, you're still exploring, understanding, finding out about yourself, finding out about the world. You're not in a position to make balanced, mature decisions about things; you're still experimenting. There's a difference between a 17/57 match and, say, a 25/65 match. The 40 years is still there, but a mature 25-year-old will go in with her eyes open. I can't say the same for a 17-year-old.
A 57-year-old guy should be quite aware of this, and that's what worries me. He fancies you because you're young and cute. He knows you're not really ready for commitment or marriage. I'm sure he has in mind that if he dumps you after he's had his fun, you'll still be young and flexible enough to move on and find a new boyfriend without too many hassles.
There are, of course, benefits to a relationship with an older man. Since he is much older, he's seen a lot more in life and can teach you a lot of things (not necessarily sexual). But I'm pretty sure the prospects for a long-term relationship with this man are low. If you do go ahead, be prepared for the relationship to finish within a few years. And if you do end up staying together, just think: when he's 77, you'll still only be a 37-year-old woman, in the prime of life. I don't know how many 77-year-old men can keep a 37-year-old woman happy.
Anyway, those are my musings on the situation. My advice would be, have a crush on him, but look around a bit more. Try and find someone a bit more suitable for a true love relationship.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 Love is blind. You cannot see his faults .
You could be looking for a father figure or an extension of
your father's personalities.
Time will tell if you effervescent and nascent love will last.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008):
The mistake is not that you feel something for him. The mistake is what you will probably want to do about it.
I wish people would tell their teenagers that mismatched or unhealthy relationship situations are NOT harmless. They will almost always do some psychological damage to you in the long run.
I'm not belittling what you feel for him. I believe you that the connection & affection between you and him is very real. I am just trying to tell you that in 5 or 10 years you will look back and probably realize it's not as unique as it feels to you right now.
More dating experience will eventually take some of the wonder out of "clicking" with someone strongly. Grownups in this game have learned the hard way that the circumstances are also every bit as vital, and unfortunately that's something that this prospective relationship doesn't have going for it at all. You don't need to resort to a mismatched or unhealthy partner just to experience what you're seeking out of this.
(And if you really think your young hot teenage bod isn't playing any role in the attraction & connection for him . . . whoa boy, you really AREN'T up to this.)
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A
male
reader, salvation  + ♥, writes (28 April 2008):
im not sure its legal till your 18 but when you are go for it love doesnt care about age only people do and really it shouldnt matter what anyone else thinks so go for it and dont let anyones critsms change your mind. Again not sure about the legal side
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A
female
reader, crownedprincess + ♥, writes (28 April 2008):
Hiya!
your only 17 and should not be getting into anything with a
man who is probably older than your dad!!
im not going to say that you dont know what love it as you
can fall in love at any age but i really do think you
should think this through!!!
you will lose most of your friends, your parents will not
know what to do and might even blame themselves if 1 of
my daughters told me what your saying i would wonder where
i went wrong i really do think you need to be with someone
more your own age! i know it sounds hard and age caps dont
mean alot but hunny you havent even left school yet!
yes he pays attention to you what 57 year old man wouldnt!
you really really need to think this through!!
good luck x
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A
male
reader, WizardOfWaz + ♥, writes (28 April 2008):
 Well if it works for you it works for you. There are nearly 1,500 topics on age-gap relationships here, you can search them by clicking the "age gap" link on the home (New Questions) page. You will find 100's of others relating their own experiences many which appear to be working fine. Unfortunately there is a recurring criticism (sometimes very personal abuse)particularly from those who will view your relationship purely in sexual terms, and this is one aspect of what others say that may give you problems if either of you let it bother you.
But any relationship can overcome other peoples prejudices if it is stable enough, even such a big gap as this. Fort years difference is uncommon but not unknown or unworkable, that is is purely down to the individuals within the relationship.
Regards
Waz
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2008): OH MY GOD. uncle phil is totally rite..yea if its legal go 4it,
But sori...i doubt if it is true love on his part he wants u 4 sex!!!
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A
female
reader, GothPod + ♥, writes (28 April 2008):
 Sorry I do agree with Uncle Phil. Most men are not what they seem when it comes to this sort of situation. He sees you as easy prey.
And also, would you want to be with someone who will be long gone way before you are? God forbid you should end up having a child as they would lose their Dad quite young.
I think your best bet is just to steer clear of this man. Surround yourself with friends, family, and guys your age. Find new activities. And remember this advice. I'm sure you will find someone new who wants you for you. Trust me, you won't regret it in the long run.
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil +, writes (28 April 2008):
 You have GOT to be joking!
What 57 year old man would not be flattered by the attentions of a 17 year old girl. Firm tits, tight butt, smooth flesh and best of all, a wet pussy.
Don't kid yourself love, he wants your body and he notices you for sure! What can you do? Well, assuming it's legal, get in there and enjoy yourself but make sure you're not underneath him when he has his heart attack. Might be a bit embarrassing when the paramedics arrive.
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