A
male
age
51-59,
*heated
writes:my wife has really gone off sex and seems somewhat distant. ever since we got back together after she cheated on me nearly 2 yrs ago our love life has been slowly sliding sideways. she does tell me that she loves me more than anything and she doesnt know why she has lost her drive.we have had some stressful periods during the last 12 months. this is really driving me crazy as i suppose i use sex as my security after her cheating on me. i will be travelling away for work a bit over the next couple of months which isn't helping me with my thoughts. any thoughts or suggestions on what i can try to intiminate her desire to want me???PLEASE HELP
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 February 2010):
In that case depending on her age maybe she is starting to go through menopause. Maybe a visit to her doctor and a blood test could give you some answers. And 5 lazy kids? I have 3 and I hardly do a thing. They do most of their housework. If you dont train your kids then when will they ever learn? My 12 year old son can make a roast chicken dinner from scratch and his room is spotless. Instead of nagging there should just be consequences for not doing what's assigned. My number one most effective? Take the cellphone when chores are not done. Or no pocket money. You never have to scream again with those 2 dreaded punishments. Maybe that's another issue that is adding to her stress and maybe you should help her with the dishes for 7 people instead of just feeling her up while she's doing them then going off to read the paper. Wow, 5 kids and you do dishes while they watch the telly? I now feel like a slave master of my kids.
A
male
reader, cheated +, writes (3 February 2010):
cheated is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am always the affectionate one. i am for ever giving her cuddles, kisses and compliments about how sexy she looks. even when she is standing at the sink etc i will walk up behind her and massage her shoulders etc. as for helping around the home, well lets just say i am not the type to sit on my bum and do nothing. i work 10+ hours per day and still come home and help with the kids and house work.but it is really getting to the point that i am seriously thinking whether or not i should be doing so much to help. both herself and the kids (5) are starting to become lazy...
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A
female
reader, Angzw +, writes (3 February 2010):
Since you were using sex as security, I'm wondering if you made sex feel like she owed you an apology for cheating. Is it possible that she slept with you as an obligation where you were mostly satisfied and she went along with it to make up for the cheating. And possibly the only affection she received from you was the sex but the rest of the time you paid no attention? If so then no wonder its gone dead. You need to reignite the desire in her by being loving, warm, considerate and caring. Get her in the mood by helping around the house, fix stuff, help with laundry or dishes (I'm serious this is foreplay), then lay out some candles and offer a sexy massage or something. If you are not making the effort to woo her because she till owes you a debt for the cheating then she will remain uninterested.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Try this when you're NOT working away from home...
A great way to bring the passion back into a marriage is to CHALLENGE ONE ANOTHER - NO SEX FOR 2 WEEKS! Talk about it and draw up a chart together. I will base this on a 2 week sex abstention. For the next 2 weeks, (3 weeks, 4 weeks, you decide…) neither of you will have intercourse, instead you will talk and get to know each other and each others bodies again. For the first 3 nights when you go to bed, cuddle up but NOTHING MORE, no kissing on the lips is allowed at this stage either. Talk about what turns you on, what you like (or would like) to do/try with your partner and what you like done (or would like done) to you. On Night 4 you are allowed to stroke and caress one another but DO NOT go near the genitals or the breasts! Kissing any part of the body is allowed but again NOT the genitals and breasts.) Where do you like to be touched? Where are you and your partner’s erogenous zones? Are you even aware you have these?
On Night 7, kissing on the lips can be introduced again. Stroking and caressing is still allowed. You have gone a week without sex but stay disciplined and again no touching the genitalia or breasts. On Night 10, plan to give one another a massage. The breasts can be massaged too and sucking of the nipples is allowed but again NO touching each others genitals! Continue to combine all of these things until night 14… THE BIG NIGHT! I can guarantee if you have stuck with it and not had sex by this time you will be absolutely rampant for one another.
Plan your special night, (Night 14), set some ambience in the room by lighting candles and/or playing some soft music. Put nice clean sheets on the bed and bring up a bottle of wine (or two.) Shower and smell nice with aftershave/perfume. The woman can wear some sexy lingerie to entice you more if she chooses then just enjoy one another… Happy loving!!
~Eve~
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