A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We also live together. We have a great relationship, but there is one big issue. His female friend Suzy. Suzy is his old roomate who screwed him over on about $5000 worth of household bills. They were just platonic roomates. She moved out of his house and in with her soon to be ex-boyfriend.The problem is this.. she has always been a steady presence in our lives. If she wants to go out and do something, we have to drop our plans and go out with her. My boyfriend also will ask her what she is doing/wants to do this weekend, instead of asking me. I have to go along with their plans if I want to spend time with my boyfriend.Those two also talk for hours a day on the phone and/or text throughout the day. About every other night, they spend over an hour on the phone with each other. It's even come to the point where if we are on the phone and she calls, he will hang up with me to talk to her. Some weekend mornings, when she calls my boyfriend and I are fooling around, and he will stop what he is doing with me to answer her call.I have tried several times to talk to my boyrfiend about how her importance over me bothers me. He always says I am just jealous. I am not! I think he is being very rude, disprectful and not meeting my needs. He is making me feel like I am crazy for thinking that there is a problem ... please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): Well, what can ya do? You can't get him to cut contact with her because shes such a good friend. It doesn't sound like she's trying to seduce your boyfriend because you would have picked up on that vibe if she hangs around so much.
Your only options that I can see are that you either leave him or you really talk to your boyfriend and set some kind of ground rules when it comes to their contact. I'd suggest that there be no answering of the phone whatsoever when you are fooling around- thats rude any way that you cut it. Also, no hanging up on you when anybody else calls. That way you aren't specifically mentioning her, simply that you're getting annoyed at phone calls in general.
He should be able to have female friends, but when she is a higher priority to him than you... Its certainly a bit worrying and its honestly refreshing to me that you sound down to earth and not the typical jealous girlfriend. If you can convince him that its not jealousy fueling this fire and merely the problems you listed above, maybe he'll get it through his thick skull. If you really can't make him listen, you may have some serious thinking to do concerning whether its worth walking away.
A
female
reader, Joeyxxox  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 You're not crazy, there is deffinately something not right about this situation.
It's fine for your boyfriend to have friends obviously but it's a little excessive.
you say they talk for hours on the phone and text throughout the day and he drops things with you to hang out with her.
Everything aside and if you didn't know her, would you really be cool with it?
You should just sit him down and talk about it, not get into an argument and if he still thinks you're being jealous then maybe you should just leave him to it if he can't see how much it's annoying you.
Do you really want to be second best?
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A
female
reader, Entirely Unique +, writes (23 March 2010):
 You're not crazy, this would completely bother me for many reasons.
She completely messed him over when they house shared and he's still continuing a friendship with her after that which surprises me straight away, that would be the first thing that would ruin a friendship for me, I would never trust that person again let alone let them have such control over my life thats even if I ontinued a friendship with them which most people wouldn't.
Its not healthy and I'm sure if the situation was reversed she wouldn't be so quick to put into this friendship what he is, nor would he like it if it was a friend of yours doing it.
I would try talking to him again, I would explain to him that whether she was male or female this would still bother you and ask him to think about how he would feel if this was your friend doing the same etc.
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