A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have dated a man that is in denial. I love him with all of my heart and want to him to be happy. He has in past fallen into drug addiction and much of it relates to his denial. Recently he decided that church could cure him of both his addictions and being gay. I know that this is probably not the best approach but in his mind he has to cure himself. For him being gay is unacceptable. He talks to men they send naughty text messages etc. He sends them to me accidentally sometimes and I tell him to please be more cautious. He acts like he does not even recall sending them and even accused me of creating them on his phone somehow even though I am miles away. I know he is gay, I accepted it along time ago. I stopped having sex with him because it no longer felt right because I know he is in denial. A gay man is a gay man at least in my mind. He had no sexual problems with me but he has to fool around with men and I can't deal with that. How do I deal with him? He is my friend, was my lover for a long time. I care for him and want him to accept who he is and be happy.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): Move on... don't let him hold you back in life! It will only get in the way of a true meaningful relationship you have in the future!
A
female
reader, kokeshi  +, writes (24 August 2010):
 I feel so sad for him hating himself. Being gay isn’t a choice. stereotypes and homophobia could of made him to scared to come out.
an option is to direct to a gay helpline who perhaps could talk to him about it.I few members of my family are gay two came out in later life .It was a real eye opener the struggle they had with themselves all those years. When it turned out he people who really matter still loved them
you are being a good friend but you can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink.
alcohol or drug addiction is entirely in the hands of the addict be careful not to get dragged under consider what you want for the future for you.
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