A
female
age
30-35,
*ou x
writes:HELP PLEASE? Ive been with my boyfriend for 2and a bit years we life together and space all our time together i love this and really depened on him for happieness if hes not with me im sad and fell very depressed and lonely he says im controlling and he needs space but it hurts me so much to be away from him its like i cant be without him im so used to having someone there 24/7 by my side im only 17 so confussed i dont want to lose him but he broke up with me last night how can i fix this i dont know what to do or say i love him to much i think HELP PLEASE?x
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, needs space Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 August 2010):
 This is not about love but emotional dependency as the others have already said. It is a dangerous thing to be too dependent on another person and leaves you open to all sorts of exploitation in the wrong hands. I think your boyfriend probably feels suffocated by the attention. Being needy is not a good thing as it can be very emotionally draining on the target of your affection. It is ok to be alone. We live in a society that tells us we are weird to be alone - we are surrounded with technology to keep in touch with other people 24/7. The reality is that there are times when you will be alone in your life and should be able to fill your time productively. Personally I love spending time away from my family/ friends on my own to read, do the gardening, go for a walk and other solitary pursuits. You need to learn to spend your time productively doing things that you enjoy. Get a hobby or a sport interest that you can pursue away from your boyfriend. It will make for a stronger relationship with your boyfriend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): It sounds like you are dependent on him for your happiness. Like, if you are with him, you are happy and secure. If you are away from each other, you feel lonely, sad, and it must be quite distressing. I have experienced this too.
I can understand that your boyfriend must feel under quite a bit of pressure, as the relationship sounds quite intense. I think you need to try and become a bit more independent. Sure, it is wonderful when you are with your boyfriend, but it is not possible or healthy to be with someone 24/7. There are times when space is needed, and that is what you need to try and adjust to. Time apart from each other does not have to be a bad thing. Quite the opposite. It is a chance for you to do other things, to focus on other areas of your life. Friends, family, work/college/school etc, having fun, going out, hobbies...
Do you have any of those things? If you feel that you have nothing but your boyfriend, it is time to change that. Really, when you are not with your boyfriend, it is a time when you can do what you want to do. It is an opportunity for some YOU time. And that can be great! I think it is important to try and build up some things in your life, some things which have nothing to do with your boyfriend or relationship with him. Take up some hobbies, see friends or family, do something enjoyable. Try and think of time away from your boyfriend as fun times, enjoyable times...not as a painful, horrible experience.
Right now, I think it might be best to give your boyfriend some space for a while. In the meantime, try and do the things I have suggested, if you think they might be helpful. Given some time, he might contact you after he has had some space. Or if not, then when you feel a bit more fulfilled in other areas of your life, gently try approaching him. But right now, I think this pattern will continue unless you are able to feel less dependent on him.
I know this is really hard, and it must be very upsetting for you. But you can become a more independent and stronger person from this, and your relationship can become much more healthier. So try not to despair. I hope things go well for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Try not to concact him for tow weeks. Iknow it wil be painful, but you must prove to hin that you can live without him, as you are scaring him off. Yo uare actully making it worse by saying this stuff to him. Let us know how you get on. xx
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 August 2010):
You can't love some too much. You can become too dependent, and that is what is happening to you. It's very important not to depend on one person or one thing for your happiness, or you'll be let down. You really need to take a look at your life and develop interests in other things, and you also need to make sure you're out there with your own friends. You must re-evaluate your life and make sure you have other people and other things than just your boyfriend. He clearly felt strongly enough that you'd become so dependent that he broke up with you. I think that at this time, you need to focus on your own life. You need to make sure you have your own life, rather than make him your life. Maybe if you prove that you're no as dependent, he might give you a second chance. But I think as it is, you need to be working on yourself.
...............................
|
