A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:My parent's wont give me any freedom. Im 16 and Im getting my license in a year which means I have to rely on my parents to drive me places the problem is they wont let me go anywhere without them. I can't go to the mall alone.I can't go to the movies alone. Or anywhere else and by alone I mean me,myself and I with my boyfriend or my friends. I don't know what to do? My mom reads to much and believes anywhere I go I'll get raped and kidnapped. My dad doesn't even listen when I try to get out of the house. Im not even allowed to go to sleepovers. Again Im 16.IDK what to do. I need to get out of here. Help please. Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): O.K so I think your parents are going way overboard with this. Teenagers should be able to hangout without being supervised by a adult, unless you have a drinking or drug problem, something along those lines. I feel bad for you, I know people that had parents who went with them and it was the most embaressing thing in the world for them. Maybe you should go to a family therapy or cousiling, im sure he could help you make a compromise.
good luck
A
male
reader, Digiman  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Listen to what people are saying here, you're getting great advice! I know it might sound like a load of crap to you at your age, but I swear on my life that it's not!You are lucky to have parents that try to look out for you. The key to your freedom is behaving maturely and responsibly (I know..."a load of crap"...but trust me, it's not). It really helps if you show them that you hold a lot of the same values they do. Show them that you value and respect their "input"...but certainly, tell them when you think they are wrong, and then be darn sure you're ready to back it up with carefully-considered and thoughtful arguments. You are probably indeed more mature and responsible than your parents know...now, show them that you are!We here, as non-partisan adults, who don't even know you, are rooting for you! We want you to grow up safely and with good values and judgement. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us! It always helps us, since many of us having kids of our own, to be reminded of how we felt when we were your age! So thank you, too! And best of luck!
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female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 my dad was a preacher. My folks loved young people and my house was the gathering place. I remember 3 times that my husband and i were alone before we married. Those 3 times are why my children arent allowed alone with the opposite sex. Lol...When my kids go to the mall, i go too. ;) Your parents need to do things with you and your friends. Fun things. Since we cant do anything about your parents i'll just encourage you to communicate with them and try to be patient. Good luck sweetheart,
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female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/no-guy-will-like-me-they-all-just.html
Read the post by this girl who met her boyfriend when she was 16, you age and her mother actually let this kid move into their home for three months. She lost her virginity to him and he ended up physically and emotionally abusing her and now she feels like trash.
Sorry to use her as an example, but I blame her stupid mother for being her best friend and letting some boy she was dating move into their home and not being able to supervise or even trying. See the kind of permanent damage young kids do to themselves when they are left without any interference and guidance from responsible parents?
You don't know what you don't know that is the problem with being a teenager, and guess what your parents have been through life ahead of you and they know how to help you get through pretty much unscathed if you will just listen to them and trust them.
Good advice by ask older sister, I hope you can get more involved in school activities, I think it is all in how you approach it with your folks, ask them to help you get involved, not just attend these things on your own.
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A
female
reader, katyayni  + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 HITake it from me (I have a dramatic Mom myself) and I wasn't allowed anywhere until I turned 18... and I live in one of the safest places in the world! So, parents are parents... and they will worry. And, they should. There is nothing you can do, nothing at all to change them or even convince them, the more you try, the more they will worry. So, here is the deal... you are going to get your license soon, right? Until then, grit your teeth and bear it... say to yourself that when you will become a parent, you will not restrict your child as much. Fantasize about what you will do and where you will go with your license and the freedom it brings! Right now, you simply need to hang on. Can't do a thing about it! Trust me... I know. I do sympathize with your plight...Love :)
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female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 I had no discipline, no structure, no curfew, I could smoke weed or cigarettes in the house, drink anytime I wanted (often in the mornings before school), no supervision and I didn't have the life skills, no highschool diploma, or character as an adult to take care of myself in a healthy way. I had to learn that on my own. I would have given anything to have parents that protected me, to answer your question.
I would talk to your teacher or someone that is going to be supervising the activities like the dances or what not, and have them give your parents a jingle to let them know you'll be safe. You should really be able to go to these activities and I'd push for that. You can also volunteer at your school to help decorate and prepare for these events too.
You can always have sleep overs at your own house, boyfriends are probably not going to be slipping through the window undetected there, unlike at your friend's house where the parents aren't vigilant. You probably wouldn't dare sneak out of your own house and that's good, you'll be safe. You see, children are a gift and they have a GOD given right to not be raped, molested, not to have their bodies damaged by drugs and alcohol, abducted, pregnant, or abused and your parents are just protecting that gift, okay? It's not about depriving you of freedom, it's about delivering you into adulthood with a sense of self respect and proper boundaries.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I really appreaciate your opinions and advice and though I've tried to talk to them, I really can't get trough them. See where I live theres not much to do. Sleep overs and football games are what goes around here and they know that. Ocasional dances and I can never go to them unless it's with my friend whom never wants to go. So see, yeah I know life starts at 18 or etc. but Im 16 now and truthfully,how we're you guys when you were 16? And do think you guys turned out "right"?
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female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
Another thing I thought of is your parents probably know your friends' parents have alcohol in the home- main reason I don't allow my son to spend the night. Kids are welcome at my house- no alcohol here, no porn, cable channels have parental controls, no internet access except on my laptop (I, alone, have the password), no guns unlike most homes where I live, no playstation with violent games, and I stay up as late as the kids do- sometimes all night and I KNOW other parents don't do this. No minor is sneaking out of my house and no one is entering my property without their ass getting hauled away by the cops. Otherwise, they have all the freedom in the world under my roof. NO NEED to go to another kid's house unless they are wanting to get away with something- this is probably the mentality your parents have. I don't blame them. It probably raises their suspicions you want to go so bad- it would raise mine as well.
My son has had female friends over until midnight (door open) while I sit and chat with the parent until they take their kid home. Maybe your Dad needs to get to know other parents and will be convinced to let you participate in things more with a parent he trusts.
One thing I don't agree with that your dad does, is that you are stuck in the house. Teens need a lot of activity like sports or hobbies where they can socialize and learn to work as a team. It's a lot of driving everywhere for a parent but your Dad is lazy if he's not allowing you to have after school activities. You should be able to go to your school games and participate in hobbies- they are supervised by a teacher. This is what I'd have a talk with your Dad about, as far as sleepovers, your friends can come over to your house, right? As far as the mall alone or movies alone, don't even bring that up!
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male
reader, duce00 + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 Sounds a little strict to me and I have a daughter. Simple fact is you probably wont change them. What I will say is that you have a couple more years before college. The best advice I can give is once you have your freedom don't go completely nuts because it will only damage you and prove they're paranoia.
Life really starts hitting high gear a little later anyways, just be patient a little longer and you WILL have your time.
Hang in there!
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female
reader, cgrlygo + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 well we could chit chat on here all day but what it boils down to is you and your parents. Although I agree with them on most points such as the mall and movies. And rape is the least of their worries... not coming home is the main one. Sleep overs well, that is a little far. I let my children go as long as I know the parents well and they will be willing to adhere to my stipulations .. which I also do in return..
things such as not letting them go to the mall by their self. They do it because they love you.. because they know what can happen.
The other thing is... if you want more freedom and more responsibility you must act more maturely (im not saying you don't) in other words... instead of getting upset and storming, try sitting down and having a calm conversation of why a sleepover should be allowed, what provisions could be put in place, how you feel you have earned the chance to be trusted. What can you do to help them put a little more trust in your decisions.
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female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
I know it is hard because I am sure a lot of your friends have parents that are more like their friends than parents and let them run around and raise themselves.
I can tell you this, you will become a better person and a better, more capable, responsible adult because of the way your parents are raising you. Right now as a 16 year old, you don't value that, can't understand what I mean or even the purpose behind it, but I do because I have lived to the ripe old age I am today and I can tell you that if my parents had not been so strict with me I probably would have either died or out of school, been raped by someone I know, like a boyfriend and never lived up to even half of my potential. And the world we live in today is much more dangerous and much crazier than it was when I was 16.
I can honestly say that I would not want to be raising children today and that it is one of the hardest jobs there is to be a parent. In fact it is not your parents job to be your friend, to be super cool and let you have all of the freedom you want. It is their job to raise an adult, someone capable, with good values and character and someone who will be able to take care of themselves.
I am sure as trust is earned on your part and you have shown increased repsonsibility that you will earn a little more freedom, but don't expect to come and go as you please while living under their roof.
I agree you do not realize that you are one of the lucky kids who have parents who are involved in your life and know who your friends are and where you are at and what you are doing with your life. They love you and care about what is best for you even if it means you hate their guts.
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female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
I agree with your parents and I have the same values as them. My son complains about his lack of freedom but there is no way I'll let him go anywhere unsupervised unlike some other parents- I know for a fact some of these kids are already having sex and smoking pot. I think it's highly negligent to let teenagers be with their boyfriends or girlfriends alone- are you kidding me? I remember being that age and so do your parents. My son's never even had a babysitter! I don't trust them.
Teenagers need supervision and structure and as a parent, that takes a lot of work to provide that- it's easier to be negligent. Your parents really love you and want you to be safe, you will thank them later.
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female
reader, marriedlady + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
kudos to the parents for trying to actually parent against the flow!!!you may not appreciate them now but someday when you have children of your own you will.That being said, i do think you are old enough to go in a group, to the mall of to the movies. Have you tried sitting down with them and trying to reach some kind of compromise? The more mature you behave, the more likely they will be to loosen the strings a bit. Do they know your friends and are they comfortable with them. Find out why they are so reluctant to allow any socializing and work to gain their trust. Good Luck....i am speaking to you as a mother but i do remember what it was like to be a teenager too.....
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