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Help! I want to have sex with my cousin!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 May 2009) 11 Answers - (Newest, 28 September 2009)
A male Australia age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hey I am 16 years old and I have this cousin that I can't get out of my head! I severely want to have sex with her, it's just I don't know how to ask. I do not see her often, If I'm lucky it's once a year for about a week. What I want in a reply is not SHOULD I, but HOW do I? Over the years she has gotten very sexy... Can someone help me? How do I ask? How heavily should I come on, etc... Should I kiss her when we're alone, or try and touch her or what! I NEED HELP!

Thanks alot

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A female reader, Genesis United States +, writes (28 September 2009):

First, I have to say, 16 is young to be thinking of actually having sex, as opposed to fantasizing about it. So, are you a virgin? If no, carry on. But wait... is she? Maybe you should talk about sex to see how she even feels about it, and if she is a virgin or not. If she is a virgin, and you actually care for her, I'd wait and not have sex with her. She IS your cousin so it's not like she's going anywhere. She'll be your cousin for life. And you really don't want to take her virginity, because after you have sex (if you've had it, you know this) you want it again, and if not prepared, it can often spark a chain reaction.. you want sex with just about anyone. This can lead to all sorts of things you're not going to like... relationship drama, regrets, pregnancy, or *gasp!* an STD. ALWAYS be safe and use a condom.

Now to answer your question, if you want to have sex with this girl, I hope it's deeper than that. To be honest, I have been in your situation. I've been literally in love with my cousin since we were kids, but out of respect for him and the family, have not made a move (besides, a relationship is still impossible). However, through growing up together he has given hints that he likes me in the same way.. once he even kissed me and unknowing what to do I backed off and we laughed it off. But.. he recently turned 18. And I'm 21. I'd told myself, at the very least, wait until he's 18. I made it. And you will be amazed at how that hightens the longing. I also respect him a lot as a person and a friend, so I feel my feelings are founded. But if you just want to have sex with her, I do see an issue. She is not just a woman or your cousin, but a PERSON. So remember that.

To go about it, I'd say talk about sex and see if she is even receptive to talking about it with you. "So.. just curious.. are you a virgin?") If you guys are close this could be considered regular life conversation... Has she shown signs of being attracted to you? Don't just come onto her.. if it's meant to be you will know it. She might be scared if she's never been with anyone and also scared because you are related and girls tend to think with more than their non-existent dicks :/ I'm not saying don't do it, but don't be like every other guy and come onto her. If it's special, let her know it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009):

All of the comments below, except, of course, the one directly below my own, are not trying to understand you; however, they have no problem cutting down your natural feelings.

Truth be told, your cousin is only your cousin because of social-family structures and cultural norms. In most parts of the world, as the poster below me has mentioned, even first-cousin sexual relations are not only accepted, but are rather ideal when compared with copulating with a stranger to the family. It's all social taboo.

You're 16-17, so your thinking and frame of mind doesn't seem to be too far fetched. I bet you think your cousin is a really neat person who happens to also be attractive. Naturally, the mere fact that you cannot have her hightens the sensations of lust, and this probably piles on top of an original attraction.

Bottom line, she is human and you are human. It's perfectly normal feel you to have sexual feelings for an attractive female. The reason why it's so taboo is how uncomfortable it makes people feel. Like the Oedipus complex, any feelings of the sexual nature towards any family member will cause massive feelings of guilt. This guilt often turns into anger and frustration, which is than directed towards others who share the same guilt. I guarantee most of thos who flamed you earlier have had a perfectly innocent crush on a cousin when youger, which was soured, and now manifests as malice.

Relax, it's normal. The American expression, "Kissing Cousins" wouldn't be around if incest wasn't a working function in our culture; albiet, a repressed one. I wouldn't recommend you go after her, though. It could backfire on you, ESPECIALLY IF SHE SHARES THE SAME FEELINGS FOR YOU, AS WELL.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009):

Hi every one is basically telling you that you are too young and crap like that so I want to say a few things.

1. Having sex with your cousin increases your odds of having a retarded baby by 1.75-3 percent. Obviously this is not a lot in fact the same odds are increased by the same amount by doing it with a old person.

2. Every one is saying this is ungoddly and unatrual simply put its not. Countries all over the world cousin marraige is legal in fact in many countries it is preffered.

3. At your age nearly every one has had sex so dont let people who cant face the reality that people your age have sex stop you

4. People are saying you need help. Well you dont millions of people in the USA have the same need to do it with there cousin including me (though I will never do it)

However here are some bad things.

1. If the family finds out your basically fucked

2. It probably wont happen since females often arent as horny as boys and hence she "Most likely" does not see you the same way.

Here are some hints of how to do it.

1) if there is feelings, have you said anything?--

-- Don't be blunt here! back in my day we took girls for sodas or shakes. Do the same with her, go for a burger or something small.

2)small talk and honesty! think of it like your first date, but don't try to get in her skirt!!..treat her like you love/like her. Get to know her more than 'family' dictates! get to know her like she wants to be known.

3) Understand what she likes.

4) hint at sexual fantasies. IE.. "dare you to tell me what turns you on" ......(I made it into a game for us lol").

Dont just rely on this post seek tips and hints.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

think about the consequences of your actions. first of all it would ruin the relationship between you and your cousin. it could also tear your family apart and so many people can get hurt. think about them before you do anything. you need to talk to someone you trust and ask their opinion.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009):

think about the consequences of your actions. first of all it would ruin the relationship between you and your cousin. it could also tear your family apart and so many people can get hurt. think about them before you do anything. you need to talk to someone you trust and ask their opinion.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009):

You're right about one thing, kid.

You do need help. Just not the kind I think you were hoping for.

Flynn 24

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009):

I personally think your question is rather imature! You should not be even considering having sex at your age just a 'one off' You're too young and if she was to get pregnant then what are you going to do? You can't support it. You should only have sex with somene when you think you do love them or you actually do love them. That is the way people spread diseases!

You should act responsibl and treat her as your COUSIN as a girl myself if my cousin came on to me an on tp of that just for my looks I'd give him a slap around the face.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009):

Let's forget the fact that she's your cousin for a moment. She's a person. A human being with a brain and feelings. You talk about her like she's a piece of warm meat, somewhere to stick your dick for little more than an animated wank.

You see her about 1 week in 52 so that's a non-starter. She's most likely got more respect for herself than you appear to think she has. You need to get some self-respect too - clearly you have little at the moment.

Given the way you appear to think of her, your best approach might be to say "I want to f*** you - how about it?". You've got a 50/50 chance of getting your leg over - and a better than average chance of a kick in the balls or a slap across the face. Best of luck mate.

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A female reader, pebble United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2009):

pebble agony auntOh get over yourself. What makes you think that she even gives a second thought to you?

Most sane people would never even condsider having sex with a family member. It is beyond wrong.

Maybe you should go back to the masturbation because clearly you're not mature enough to even grasp the idea of safe, legal sex.

If you make any kind of move on her, you're likely to end up very very embarrassed when she laughs in your face. What she needs to do is give you a good slap accross the face. And what you need to do is find a therapist to work through your obvious issues.

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A female reader, ilovebowsandcherries United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2009):

ilovebowsandcherries agony auntyou NEED girlfriend NOT your cousin.

that's like insest!

we're not here to help you mess up your family.

you're 16 years old your probably horny just do what normal guys do and play wtih yourself.

don't try coming onto your cousin she's YOUR COUSIN!

it's not normal.

to be honest i think this is a bit of a wind up and we don't appreciate things like that on here we only deal with people who have REAL problems.

don't waste peoples time please we do have people who have real problems that need our help.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009):

Sorry, but having sex with anyone in the family I consider taboo and right out wrong. You didnt even mention how old this cousin is, and I suspect she might be a minor.

You yourself are not even adult. Wait until you are both over 20 years of age and then come back to ask the same question, that way we can know if you are just a teenager who wants to get some (no matter where from) or if you have actual feelings.

And stay away from your cousin, you dont want to tell a future gf you've actually tried to get it on with someone in your family, that will definitely gross her out.

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