A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, I have a small question to ask. When you fall in love with someone, you become completely attached to them and devote your time, self and thoughts to them, right? But, if you lose them, either through death, distance or just by a falling out, is it normal for you to, well, turn other people into that person you love? As in, you see a person whom you've never met, and immediately feel your heart melt at the sight and sound of them, well because it's your lost love, just in a different body and form. Is that just a way of grieving? Or is it just something I'm doing? I know it seems a little random and strange, but any comment or advice on what to do would be appreciated, thanks. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2009): If the reason you get with someone is cuz they remind you of an ex, then I don't think that's fair to the new person, or to yourself.I think that's different than going for a "type" that you like. Might sound similar but in all reality its not. And if someone is special enough, they can redefine your type with relative ease. Happened to me a couple of times..Besides..I drove myself crazy for a while looking for a replica of an ex, but she just doesn't exist. The girl is truly unique. Nah, if you gonna move on, move on, and explore new possibilities and attraction.
A
male
reader, malum424  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 it normal to look for the traits that mades us fall in love with someone in others people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Some people will tell you thats not normal and that its weird and that you should stop doing that.
Im gonna tell you that, yes, you need to find a means to not see your lost love in everyone else. But I do find this normal. It happened to me after breakups. I actually managed to call my new bf the name of my ex bf once, which really scared me.
I believe there are two reasons for why this happens. One is that your thoughts are so centered around this person that (lets say its a woman) she manifests everywhere. Since your mind is on her, you choose to see the parts that resemble her, and dont see the parts that dont. Much like it is with for example women who wants children, they keep seeing babies everywhere. That doesnt mean there really are more babies around, its just what they choose to focus on.
The second reason for why this happens, I believe, is when your feelings towards one person turn similar to the feelings you have towards another person. There have been examples where I also called my guy friends the name of my brother, because I considered them like brothers. I hope this makes sense.
It is however, vital to always remind yourself they are not the same person. To help you with this, try to focus on what makes this other person different. Surely, they are not true copies. Then whenever you find yourself thinking they are the same, remind yourself of these differences that you have found.
Best of luck.
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