A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello there,Im in love with a man and I know he loves me too.Its not good and i wish I didnt love him. He was going through the process of getting a divorce when i met him over a year ago.He has massive issues about the fact he broke up the family unit but says he cant go back because he hasnt loved her for 2 years. He feels terrible about leaving the children. He does have them 50/50 but the guilt gets the better of him and then he goes on benders and he's uncontactable. I havent heard from him for 2 weeks now, and his mum says he has been drinking alot (he has a drink problem).I wont contact him, its pointless when he is in such a mess. And I know he needs to stop the self destruct and find himself again really. We have had a beautiful loving time together but I know I need to walk away but how do I get closure on this ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 July 2010):
You won't get closure. No one ever does. People on this site are always looking for closure. Several have been given reasons, but have continued to try and find out even more. You will not get closure. For every question he answers, you'll have another question. You will never get the answers you want. Accept that this is over, and stop looking for closure.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 What do you mean by "closure"?
I ask because I think people who are faced with the end of relationships often expect some sort of neat and tidy end to the situation. Many times, there isn't going to be a neatly sewn up and satisfying ending.
Think of it as losing someone to cancer, or an accident or basically to death. There's no closure possible in some cases, you just need to come to terms with the "new normal," after a period of mourning. You'll mourn that person for the rest of your life, there won't be an answer that encompasses all of your questions or indeed your feelings.
If this man has a drinking problem, basically is an alcoholic, you might find some answers at an Al-Anon meeting. http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
Look up grief and mourning resources on line, there may be some explanation for your feelings there too.
Best wishes.
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