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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: So, I've been with my BF for 4 years now. We lived together for 2 years and now I bought a house and i live there by myself because I only want him to live there with me once we're emarried. Right, married. Whenever I bring the marriage issue up he just freaks out and we have these awful huge fights. He says he knows I'm the one, he sometimes vaguely thinks about it, but still there are some things about me he doesn't like and that marriage is huge step and blab blab blab. I want to marry this guy. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him knowing that I wasn't worth a ring on my finger, you know? I know I should just leave him - and I've been thinking about this a lot lately, but I am sure that, if I found the guts to actually do that, well, I'd end up alone. i live in a very small village and I don't have many friends and it's really ahrd to meet new people here. Anyways, what should I do. Sometimes I just tell myself I should go with what I got and shouldn't ask for more. But why shouldn't I? Is it beter to be alone than in a relationship with him? I'm really kinda beginning to hate him, in a way. If you look at our pics form, say 3 years ago, I look glowing and the latest pics, instead, I just look sad and sulky. This sucks, really. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 Yep. He will never marry you. And time is wasting.
Listen - you will not be alone. Don't be worried that he's the only guy for you. Even in a small village, there's more than one single person, and there's more than one village, you know! There could be some guy out there pining away to marry a hot woman such as yourself, and that guy doesn't have the commitment phobia that your current guy does.
Face it, with the guy you have now, you will *never* and I mean *NEVER* get married. Next move is yours. Don't settle if you're not happy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2010): Your desire to be married sounds like a cultural conditioning. As per your description, marriage is a mark, a statement, to yourself and others. And further, you seem to believe marriage is a protection against being alone. The worst part here is you two disagree about what marriage is and does. Nothing polarizes two people more than opposing, core values.
Yours are common perceptions and fears, but I say face the fear. The admission of "I know I should just leave him..." says everything. That was your brain and instinct enveloped in all those feelings you described. Nothing in the world erases a fear better than walking right into and living with exactly what scares you.
What would you do if you had no fears?
Someone forwarded me the funniest email the other day. It was generally:
"Once upon a time, a boy asked a girl to marry him. She said, 'No!'
The girl danced, ate chocolate, went to school, and travelled. She wore comfortable clothes, got all her sleep, and read all the books she wanted. She never felt rejected, kissed a lot of boys goodnight, and never got yelled at in her house. She lived happily ever after. The end."
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 April 2010):
I'm afraid it's time to wake up and accept this man is in no way ready to get married. He has made that more than clear with his actions, and every time you say anything, this will be the reaction you can get. If you're looking for marriage, then it's time to looks elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, Tonigirl +, writes (16 April 2010):
 You and him need to watch the play "Love on Layaway" in all realness.Go to www.amazon.com and look for it. It's cheap to buy and I think you'll find it helpful. You can also catch clips of it on you tube. But this woman is going touhg what you are. and your man should at least watch the last part.
Three couples crowded into a Philadelphia brownstone attempt to live together without losing their minds in this filmed performance of David_E._Talbert's popular stage play. It seems that the romance in all three couples' relationships has hit the skids, and Monique Graham's (Deborah_Cox) displeasure with her commitment-phobic boyfriend Anthony (Mel_Jackson) is only the beginning of the romantic woes. Single mother Epiphany (Joi_Campbell) is hard-pressed when forced to make a choice between her current boyfriend, Reggie (Chico_Benymon), or her precocious six-year-old son, Man Man (Robbie_Lewis_Jr). And speaking of epiphanies, Ms. Willanetta's (Cassi_Davis) recent religious experience has forced her to question her relationship with Renzo (Buddy_Lewis), a man with whom she has been romantically involved with for over a decade
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 You want to be married right? After 4 years I think one would know whether or not ones partner is marriage material or not. You want to marry him. He doesn't want to marry you. There you have it. If you are unsure whether or not this is his final answer, you should propose to him. Then he will have to say either yes or no. If he says no you know that maybe some day this man will marry you.. but who knows when, or even if he actually will. And this is not what you want in life. You want marriage, not just being boyfriend/girlsfriend forever.
So if he is not ready yet, he doesn't know if he will marry you or not... Its time to move on and find someone who will marry you. Sad but true. If he doesn't intend to marry you (and Im sorry but it doesnt sound like he wants to get married to you at all), then you are just wasting your time with him.
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