A
female
age
30-35,
*oro06
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years(I don't know how), because he will not be intimate with me like take my hand or touch me kiss me anything!!!! We have 2 children so sex isn't a problem obviously, but it's straight and to the point. No foreplay no randomness, he always text me to have sex!!! He makes me feel so unattractive. I ask for kisses and everything so it's not like I don't put myself out there for him. He turns me down. I always ask why he never really gives an answer!!! I'm really feeling lonely!!! Please respond with any help!!!
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (21 November 2012):
 Usually a lack of excitement in the bedroom is a mirror of what is really going on in the relationship.
Has it always been like this or is this something new? Are there some new (or lot of) stresses? Do you guys fight a lot?
Reading between the lines, I sense he may be a bit overwhelmed with everything -- 2 children, whatever career / job he is pursuing and of course pleasing you. I don't mean that in a negative way, but if you are surprised that you somehow have lasted 5 years, it indicates to me that there may be a lot of maintenance and work that goes into your relationship. Perhaps there is resentment or bitterness that may have built up. He also may be feeling overwhelmed with all of his responsibilities.
To get the foreplay you need, however, you need to verbally encourage him. Tell him how much you need him, how you want to feel his caresses and how much it pleases you when you know he is enjoying you. If he turns you down, ask him is it because you are no longer attractive to him. Sometimes you can get to the heart of the matter by you asking him questions rather than making him explain himself, as this puts undo pressure on him.
Perhaps one way to get some spice back in the bedroom is to put the children to bed early and surprise him. Wear something sexy, light a candle or two, and smell nice and see if you can seduce him -- just like in the days before you had kids and bills together. If he tries to rush things, encourage him to take things slow... and again, verbally respond when he does the right thing. You may even set the mood up by sending him flirty text messages throughout the morning telling him how much you miss him.
If that fails, I suggest going on sex-cation. That means leaving the kids at baby-sitter's house for a night and going to a motel. This motel is all about getting reconnected in a physical way.
I would encourage you to both read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr Laura Schlessinger. I know you aren't married (at least from your post) but for all intents and purposes you are. The advice contained in there may help you reconnect.
If all else fails, I'd certainly encourage you to look at the big picture. If he is taking you for granted, it may be time to seek out counseling or think about ending the relationship (or just living with what he is able to provide). I know that isn't what you want, but it may be a question that you'll be forced to answer.
Eddie
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 November 2012):
 Stop giving him sex on demand.
I am NOT a fan of withholding affection or intimacy - but if you have TOLD him that you NEED a hug, a kiss and foreplay and he totally disregard it, I would try and not give him sex. When he asks why..
You really need to EXPLAIN WHY you need kisses and foreplay instead of saying:" you never..." try a "I really enjoy it when.."
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (20 November 2012):
 I don't know I may not be exact but he may not know of or about foreplay spontaneous love touches spicing up. Some don't do public display of affection either cause they raised that way to be affectionate at all. He may be blocking feelings and emotions. I doubt it seriously that he don't find you attractive tell him what you need.
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