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female
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,im 28,I need some advice, my boyfriend whos 27 ended our relationship just over a week ago and im totally devestated. We have known each other for years, and was going out for 3 months. He was totally smitten with me, told me he loved and wanted to us to spend the rest of our lives 2gether. I was so happy and in love. The other weekend he went away with the lads, came back and was really cold towards me. He told me he doesnt want a relationship, and cant give me want I want. Im so confused as he was telling me all this lovely stuff about our future. He said he will miss me and is probley making the biggest mistake of his life. He was to stay friends, but im too hurt, my heart has been ripped open. I text him the other day to see if hes okay and he now ignoring me. pls help I want him back. x
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 October 2006):
 Hey 28,Whoa, my heart goes out to you. My guess is that something happened on that trip with the lads. Perhaps he cheated on you, and rather than tell you, he just figures that he messed up, and would just walk away. Assuming he was not very sexually experienced, maybe he wants to sow his wild oats before he settles down.My guess is that you are feeling abandoned. Mostly becuase he left, and there was nothing you could do to encourage him to stay. That sense of loss, and lack of control can be devastating to anyone man or woman.I would suggest that if you hve any vacation time, take the time off, and go some place, ideally with a girlfriend, and just re-group.You are not in control of what happens to you, but you are in control of how you handle the situation. Part of the process of closure is to get closure on the life you two built together in your mind. Without knowing WHY he abandoned you, you are not in a position to know either HOW to get him back, or IF you would even want him back.Fear of Abandonment is one of the ten emtoional needs of women, and he violated that in you. Even if you did get him back, (makes for good drama), you would probably never be able to feel you could trust him again.-Frank B KermitAuthor of Everything Out of Her Mouth is a Test: A Man's Guide to the Emotional Needs of Women
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (17 October 2006):
Hey 28,Whoa, my heart goes out to you. My guess is that something happened on that trip with the lads. Perhaps he cheated on you, and rather than tell you, he just figures that he messed up, and would just walk away. Assuming he was not very sexually experienced, maybe he wants to sow his wild oats before he settles down.My guess is that you are feeling abandoned. Mostly becuase he left, and there was nothing you could do to encourage him to stay. That sense of loss, and lack of control can be devastating to anyone man or woman.I would suggest that if you hve any vacation time, take the time off, and go some place, ideally with a girlfriend, and just re-group.You are not in control of what happens to you, but you are in control of how you handle the situation. Part of the process of closure is to get closure on the life you two built together in your mind. Without knowing WHY he abandoned you, you are not in a position to know either HOW to get him back, or IF you would even want him back.Fear of Abandonment is one of the ten emtoional needs of women, and he violated that in you. Even if you did get him back, (makes for good drama), you would probably never be able to feel you could trust him again.-Frank B KermitAuthor of Everything Out of Her Mouth is a Test: A Man's Guide to the Emotional Needs of Women
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