A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fella watches porn an I've explained to him how it makes me feel, it makes me feel like I'm no good in bed, and I'm wondering is he thinking of those women when we are having sex? I also explained to him that its getting me down. I dont feel the need to look at other men, I'm happy with what I've got until I walk in the room and he turns the dvd player off quick or I wake up and find him watching them and also doing other things, then I feel like he is doing it to get on my nerves and I feel hate is kicking in.. I've recently stumbled on the history of computer and he as been searching hot babes and porn. We still sleep together, things are great between us then it all starts again.. it just makes me wonder why is he doing this to me if he is telling me truth when he says he loves me, he can see he is hurting me so why does he do it..? I've offered to watch them with him an he said that's his time and he wants to watch them on his own.. its really doing my head in.
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female
reader, april1116  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 I'm gonna tell you where thats gonna lead. he's gonna soon want sex with someone else cause thats just what porn does it opens up new ideas in the sexual fantasy mind and when that happens he then goes to explore. but if he wont stop and you keep telling him how it makes you feel then idk. i would leave him cause i would feel like he's not taking my feeling into consideration but if you dont want to do that then try watching it with him it can totally spice up the relationship
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (17 November 2009):
 The thing about men and their porn tendencies is that you either have to wrap your head around it and accept what he does, or you should leave the relationship if you can't get over it. Men do not change their porn habits. Period. Unless they really want to change (which isn't the case here), it just doesn't happen. And most of the time when men say they will stop watching porn, they are lying and do it anyway.
I'm not saying that porn is acceptable or unacceptable, it just exists. As long as there are women willing to be in these types of films and pictures, there will always be porn. What you have to realize that in most cases is that men will watch porn no matter what they think of their partners. You could be the most beautiful, successful, richest woman in the world and there will be a man with that woman who looks at porn. I'm sorry to say it, but it's just the way men are wired. Not that it excuses the behavior, but pornography allows men to feed into that natural tendency to lust after multiple women. It doesn't mean that he compares you to them. It doesn't mean that he wants them more than you. You say that you two have an active sex life, which is great! There are some cases in which men choose porn over their partners, and that's when I believe pornography seriously alters a relationship.
As for what he's thinking while having sex with you? Who knows? Who cares? He's having sex with YOU. What do you think about while having sex? It's probably the same thing he's thinking about. And if it's not, he's still enjoying what he's doing with you either way. I think you just need to realize that his porn habits are not a reflection of you at all, but on him. And that he was watching porn way before you, and he will continue to do so. And I can't believe that you've never seen an attractive man before other than your guy. That you've never lusted after someone ever. That's not being realistic. Just because you are with someone doesn't make everyone else in the world ugly.
As for him not stopping in spite of it hurting you? He just doesn't see the justification of stopping the habit and how it connects to loving you. It's like if he asked you to stop reading romance novels, or anything to do with sex period other than what you two do. No movies with sex in them, no fantasizing, just focus on him all the time. It's a bit unrealistic, not to mention a self focused. But you have every right to feel uncomfortable, just know it's not about you. And if you eventually find that you can't handle what he's doing, do yourself a favor and consider finding someone else who doesn't watch porn. Don't drive yourself crazy over something like this. Good luck!
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