A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't know whether I am over reacting about my boyfriend moving into a new flat with a female collegue, well when he says "flat", it is actually a room in HER house. What I don't understand is that he hasn't hired her yet (but he has known her for a long time) which makes me very suspicious. I don't know the deal with these two, I know they are both brokers, she a juniour but they have apparently known each other for a long time through work. The fact is that he said he could move into "one of four places" and he is choosing to move into her house as he claims the rent will be cheaper, there are things like a garden and more space, and that he doesn't want to move into anywhere which isn't whithin the "SW area" attitude as he doesn't want to be away form his peers that mostly all live there. I feel uncomfortble with this arrangement as I know he and this girl are quite close. I am ashamed to admit that I read his e-mails and text messages a few times, and found that they were meeting up for drinks and dinners quite often after work a couple of months ago. I at the time had no idea, and I feel angry and hurt that he did this. It now seems that most of those "client" nights out were clearly spent with her and all my trust seems to have gone out of the window. I know Im being paranoid, but they were quite flity messages and I don't know how I feel about this all. The good thing is that he did mention me to her but only referrered to me as an Essex girl which infuriated me. Obviously I cant tell him I invaded his privacy but he doesn't know that I know and it makes it all the worse. They will be not only living together but working together, and I hardly get to see because most of his time after work is taken up "entertaining clients" or recouperating. He says that I am far prettier than she is and that he can have me round this new place as much as he likes as he cn't stay with me at my parents home. I use to trust him very much and it is important and I recently saw a message on his phone from her saying it was a "fun night"...I know I shouln't read into it at all....but I can't help but think what is this. Once I brought up what is going on with this girl and he got defensive...which in my opinion is the form of attack. He says that he could have had many oppotunities with her but he hasn't wanted to but I'm not sure what to believe...
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female
reader, cd206 +, writes (28 April 2007):
 What I would say to you is tht it's obvious that he wants to live in this place above all others because he's friends with this girl. He's saying all this stuff about rents being cheaper etc as an excuse but I'm sure that in his position, if you had the choice between living with a friend or a stranger you'd pick the friend too.
The other thing I would say is that I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to move in with someone they were having an affair with. It would be stupid! You're going to be visiting him in that house. If they were going to have an affair the last thing either of them would want is the three of you being in the same place at the same time. Drinks and dinner are just what friends do.
You need to trust your boyfriend for your relationship to work and I don't think he's given you any reason yet not to trust him. And just for the record... I'm sure both you and your parents are absolutely lovely but I wouldn't want to live in my boyfriend's parents house. I don't think I'd ever feel relaxed and I think this is his reasoning for saying no to that option. Sometimes a fun night means just that too, try to chill!
CD
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