A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I live together and there is talk about marriage. He plans to propose by the end of the year. But there is one concern I have... often ... every time he drinks he brings up to me how much he would love to swing, have sex with a prostitute, go to a sex resort, and do things like that. When we are having sex a lot of the time he will bring up imagining a third or fouth person there and what or he would be doing to them. He knows I am against all this. I believe that if I am in a relationship, I am devoted to that person and I will not complicate anything by cheating either with or without him. He even says he dreams to the point where we are active swingers, and I can have sex with another without him there and he do the same thing!At first I thought maybe he only does this when he drinks, but he looks up swingers club and hedonism resorts while sober. He keeps trying to push it on me, although he knows I am against it and it's a deal breaker.What does this mean? He swears he wants to be with me and with me only. And he says if I don't want to do it, he won't... but he STILL is constantly bringing it up. Does it mean he realy doesn't want to be with just me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. He may love you deeply, but it may also be you are equating love and sex together whereas he is seeing them as something separate. Also, if he knows you're against it but he keeps bringing it up, seems to me like he's trying to subconsciously talk you into it.
best
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Why don't you start sharing your fantasy that he takes it up his backside by a very large black man with an amazing endowment. See how that works...
Seriously, I'm concerned that this fantasy is so strong that he's not going to let it go. Some guys can't control themselves and will push this to the point of destroying their marriage. I don't recommend that you take any "surprise" vacations with him...
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 Hard to say what that means, but one thing is clear to me - when someone is telling you that they want to *** other people and simultaneously asking you to marry them - this should throw up every red flag in your brain. Every. One. Be careful. Obsessions are not easily done away with.
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A
male
reader, Braha +, writes (3 June 2010):
You are a fellow memeber, so I will be straight with you. Unfortunately, in my opinion, he is not telling you what he would like to do after you get married; he is rather telling you what he has already done and what he will do (not what he would like to do).So, please first check out the mirror. Are you living with low esteem? Do you feel that he is the best you can get?Not.Pardon the analogy, but this is a lot like a guy who tells you that he want s to live long and strong but he will be eating a complete birthday cake and smoke a pack of cigarettes every day. Be careful, he only owns himself. He doesn't own you and he certainly doesn't own your entire future life.Would you give him permission to kick you every once in a while and smack you on Mondays and Tuesdays?If you give up on him because you think he will never change, fine.But don't you dare ever give up on yourself.Honey, check out a few of the other three billion men on the planet.
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