A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend. I want us to be together, but as time goes on I have begun realizing more and more that I do not want any more children ( I have 2 from a previous relationship). He has expressed a desire to have one or two children of his own. I told him in the beginning I do not want more kids. I think part of him thinks I will change my mind if we got married, and settled, etc... He brings it up quite a lot, as it is important to him, and when he mentions the though of having another child, I panic and shut down. It is hard for me to talk about the subject, and lately have been feeling that it would probably be in both of our best interests to seriously discuss this very important issue. The problem is, when I go to talk about it, I don't know what to say, and frankly, I don't know when a good time to bring it up is. I don't want to break up with him, but at this point, I don't want to destroy his dream of being a father- it is heartbreaking, but I really need some guidance. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 June 2010):
If you don't want any other children and he does, then that's it. This won't go further. You must let him go.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 I don't think a discussion will be fruitful as both of you are at the opposite end. It is not easy for you to reach a consensus and only time will decide this question.
Best to leave it to destiny.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2010):
 The issue of kids is a pretty serious deal breaker for a relationship if one person adamantly doesn't want kids and the other deeply wants them. It's not fair to hope the other one changes because even if one person changes to conform to the other's wishes, there will be serious resentment that will manifest itself later on in life.
Best thing you can do is to talk to him and tell him that you will absolutely never want any more kids, and that because of that, you may not be the one for him. I know you don't want to break up with him, but true love is wanting what is best for the one you love. Could you keep him knowing that being with you crushes his dreams for children?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 June 2010):
If he wants children of his own and you don't want anymore...then obviously you two getting married isn't really an option. Definitely discuss it, but it seems like it's in his hands whether or not to continue the relationship. If you want two different things with two different outcomes, then it's really not going to work. Either he's going to have to compromise or you are. But when it comes to conceiving children, I definitely think it's a deal breaker.
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