A
female
age
41-50,
*immie111
writes:Please help me figure this out. I have been in a serious relationship for a year now and I moved in with him 7 months ago. Things have been great, awesome and fabulous…I don’t understand what went wrong. About 2 months ago we started having more arguments than normal. My boyfriend didn’t want me to work and stay at home to help him with his office things, lawsuit he was in and helping him save his home ( which I did by a loan modification). I had always worked and it was a nice break not to have to. He said he wanted to take care of me and treat me better than any other man. He told me he loved me everyday several times a day, told me how he adored me and just made me feel like a million dollars. He treated me like a princes and wanted to take care of me forever. He said I gave him the drive to do better in work and life. He has no relationship with his parents or sisters. There is a lot going on with that but never wanted to talk about it. He said I am all he has and could count on and be there for him no matter what. Then like I said 2 months ago things started to change and he wasn’t the same guy I knew. The kisses in the morning decreased, the I love you slowed down and the calls during the day along with the text messages etc..Next thing I knew he said he thought the relationship wasn’t working out. He got mad because I wasn’t working and needed help with bills and I was ridding his ass because I wanted to spend more time together. But I was receiving a check every week from unemployment and all that money went to food, and bills. I told him I would love to work and reminded him he wanted me to stay home to help with the office stuff etc…he said now he didn’t have enough money and said I was costing him money. Very out of character for him to say this, anyway I looked and looked there was nothing and this economy is defiantly not help the situation. Now he is where shit hit the fan. A month ago we went to Mexico it was my X-Mass gift, we had a blast he fell in love with me all over again. He told me again how much I meant to him, he said he wanted me to stop the pill to start having kids (which I didn’t) he said he wants to marry me and we planed on next year. There was a lot said and couldn’t have been a more perfect trip and time spent. Then 4 days after we get home he starts acting mean and cold. Very argumentative with me and stressed cause he had no money. When we went away I told him we needed to slow down on the spending etc..because of bills etc..but he said its all taken care of a don’t worry. Well I should have never trusted him cause the cable got shut off and phone. As you can guess that was discussed and he blamed everyone else, his friends and employees for not doing jobs right and not getting paid( he’s a general contractor) he said I needed to find something again, I had been trying, then he would get upset if he needed me around and I was interviewing. It was a no win situation. As the days went on, hours, min’s he became more distant, cold and everything came crashing down. He said it wasn’t working for him and he wanted out. How could someone 3 weeks earlier want to have kids, gat married etc..(No alcohol at the time) and now he doesn’t want to be with me? Then he started nit picking at me and trying to fight with me on purpose. I couldn’t deal with it, no kissing, sex, cuddling or no more I love you ever came out of his mouth. I thought maybe he fell out of love or maybe stress or worse case another woman is in the picture. I decided to go stay with a friend for a couple days and he said to just stay out. I figured if I gave him some space he would miss me or something. Ya right he got even more mad and argumentative with me. I have been out for 5 days he changed the locks and hates me for no reason. He is accusing me of not being honest and he doesn’t trust me. I have no idea where that came from he knew how much o loved him and wanted to spend time with him. Why is this happening? How or why can he be so mean? Then he says he still loves me? One more thing I have a son who is 12 and me and his father shares custody. How can he just throw me out and my son and not have a care in the world. He is a Virgo and I think he may be Bipolar too. Does he love me? Will he ask me to come back? I’m staying at my dads for 3 weeks until I find a new place but he isn’t being nice and seems like he could careless what happens to me. What should I think is happening? HELP PLEASE I’m so confused and my heart is shattered.
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female
reader, Kimmie111 +, writes (13 June 2009):
Kimmie111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can't thank all of you enough. This has been a lot on my plate and i just can't believe he could have done this. But unfortunately i also just found out that he has been taking OC's. I had talked to his friend yesterday and he told me that he has been taking these pills and snorting them. I have very little concept of this but will look into it. I heard they are addictive and can F%#$K up your memory, thinking, everything I guess. Does this help explain why he acting likes this to me? His friend says there bad, and he does 40 mil and 80 milligrams at once when he does. His buddy also told him to stop that shit and he said it’s for pain in his back. I guess he has been taking them over a year, but how could I have not seen it? And if he has been for that long, why would it change his ways over the last 2 months? Now im so confused. BTW he is 37 never been married and no kids. His last girl of 3 years was a coke head he tried to help her but nothing good happened and she used to steal money from him. Since we are getting serious could this be the reason to why he thinks he can’t trust me either? I don’t do that shit and I have not stolen money from him we share a credit card and that’s it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): I think he is mentally ill. I don't think he would treat you as he did if it was just stress brought on from the economic situation in his field.
I think you would be smart to just walk away. He is too volatile and he could be dangerous once you cut all ties.
If he changes attitude and sees a physician to control his mental lapses with anti-psychotics and if you love him THAT MUCH there is a possibility of a life together. Remember that he will always have his mental problem and the ideas he projects when under their influence will be just as bad as they are today.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 June 2009):
Yes, you should leave him alone. Don't contact him. You didn't do anything wrong and he needs his space to think about what HE did. Just get your stuff and leave him alone. Don't pick up the phone and call him, don't email him, don't talk to him thru other people. Ignore him. The strange accusations and not trusting you for absolutely no reason seems to be common with someone with bipolar disorder. I'm not saying EVERYONE, just in case someone reads this and gets defensive. Just from my experience and reading what others have posted about their boyfriends/girlfriends with bipolar disorder, symptoms like you've said are fairly common. If he's not bipolar then he's just an a-hole and you really don't want someone like that in your life either.
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A
female
reader, Kimmie111 +, writes (12 June 2009):
Kimmie111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone for there help
Ya your right i do think he's Bipolar too. But what should i do? he wont even talk to me right now he is so mad, there is nothing i can do.I went to get my clothes today and he changed the locks, then he said i have to wait for him to get home because he doesn't trust me? where is this coming from? I want to help but i think im too late.
We talked about it before and was to talk with his doctor about it, but of course that got pushed a side and others had told him they think he is too.
Should i give him space with no contact? will he see what he did and how bad he hurt me? Now he's calling my sister accusing me of shit for no reason.I have always been there for him, why why is he doing this to me?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (12 June 2009):
As I was reading your questions, I thought maybe he was bipolar. I was with someone bipolar and after finding support blogs regarding other women with bipolar significant others, you kind of get the gist of how they work. If he is bipolar, it's something you're going to have to deal with the rest of your life--and it can take huge toll on your own emotions and self esteem (as it apparently already has). As hard as it is, try to get over this guy. He's probably not going to change, and what he did was unacceptable regardless if he has a psychological disorder. If he is indeed bipolar, no matter what you do, you can't make him "happy." You'll just have to wait until he gets over his manic episode. He'll only get more and more angry instead of the opposite when you try to console him. Let him be and when he's ready to talk he'll talk to you. Let him know that what he did is unacceptable and you're not going to tolerate it. If you feel like you want to give him a second chance if you like his explanation, then go for it. Just remember the cliche: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Do what you feel is right and what your heart tells you, but don't let him make you believe the way he treated you was "okay."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): do you think it's possible he was having an affair? And he was living with the guilt and trying to work things out with the other woman and becoming more stressed out and angry and taking it out himself and on you? And then you went away on your trip and he was so in love with you, he didn't even think about the other woman and everythign seemed perfect, but then when you got back home, there she was again. There the stress was again, the guilt, the lyeing and sneaking?I may be SO far off here.. I just wanted to add a couple more options in helping you figure out what happened. Beucase it doesn't sound like it was anything you did. it sounds like a personal issue going on with HIM and him only. ~SY.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): That's super tricky.It sounds like it is definitely something or someone in his environment causing a third party situation. You need to call him on it.Tell him you think you're pregnant to get him to really talk to you. Maybe he'll confess to something... Maybe he'll write you off completely. Either way, you'll know how he really feels.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Loss of employment and a job can hit a man very, very hard. You described what his model man does, how he provides so well and takes care of his woman.
So now the economy is failing (thanks George Bush), especially in construction. He now is humiliated and feels as if he has failed. He trys to hold it together (thus the good periods) but finally reality shows back up and he hates himself and feels not much like a man. When a man does not feel like much of a man what is he? He's nothing and that is not easy to cope with.
Just stick with the truth. He has done nothing wrong and a poor economy does not mean he is a failure. GM failed, Chrysler failed, but he didn't. That is the only thing that helped me. My wife would tell it to me, I would tell her how I was out of work and thus I failed. My wife was very patient and repeated again and again, I had done nothing wrong and because the economy is sick does not mean I failed.
And just because you can convince him once, does not mean it is over. Logic does not rule here. You may have to tell him the same thing in different ways several times per day for months.
You may need his support one day.
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A
male
reader, eddie34 +, writes (12 June 2009):
 Whay age is he? Guys who are between 20 and 35 are still hungry for you know what. This is not an easy task and I can tell you this from experience. You have to be honest and confront him on this and ask him WHAT HE WANTS? Does he want to be with you in a relationship or not? Allot of guys have the problem of not knowing what they want, that is why at first they always say the nicest things and later it subsides because they do not know what they want anymore.
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