A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi im with a ldr now with my boyfriend and we been 3 years knew each other via skype and call. And always visiting me here every year, despite of the distance he always make effort to see me. He lives in Slovakia and i lived in Singapore and im still studying while he was working already. He just went here last month for staying almost 1 month he met already my parents and they like him because he is really generous. Despite also the age gap my family liked him because they know hes responsible and matured. He was inviting me this new year to come over and meet his family that makes me excited about it. And timing for my graduation this next 3 months. So one time we talk about my friends wedding hows the church and reception? and he was asking me about the ring like is it nice . And i told him its nice. And i asked him back? How about you do you think about us getting married on church or civil? And he answered back no i havent think of that yet, im not there yet. He says lets just be content with what we have right now. I was so upset after i hear that from him, obviously made my mood change that he noticed it, and then i just changed the topic instead telling him i just missed you and i cried in front of him. I dont know what am i thinking why did i cry maybe i was not expecting that and mixed emotions. I dont know if its the right emotions i have to show him but i feel dissappointed. Am i exaggerating my feeling for what he said??? Or is it normal? And its like our relationship needs improvement. I feel like i am bored now of the conversation what we have . Please i need advice about this long distance boyfriend. Before he always tell me yes one day we can have family married. and i cant for wait for that. But now seems like he changed it. I dont know im confuse. I dont wanna feel like im pressuring him, but i just want to know this relationship heading too, am i over reacting about what he said?and i was think to be alone for awhile no communiction to him until im ok but i was thinking that it might not help in our relationship if im alloof to him, please aunty aunt! Please do help me i need advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for your advices. so now I don't know what to do makes me feel dissapointed I was thinking to be alone for sometime and avoid his calls and text. just to try to forget him,. maybe I should wake up in my dream and face the reality that hes not for me. because I need encouragement to feel like im with him and will be each other. I feel like were on the same page. what should I do now? or what will I say if I talk to him? I know I will be upset again what will I hear from him. cause I think maybe your right hes not emotionally attached to me. I feel like I don't wanna continue this relationship.i need advice aunty aunt
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (22 May 2013):
Anybody that would commit to marrying someone (even if it's not a strong commitment) that they've only met in person a handful of times is asking for trouble. Your boyfriend is more mature and understands this. You are still learning these things, but there's no better time to learn this lesson than now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): Your long distance relationship is going where most go. They move quickly or slowly to nowhere, in most cases. People trying to maintain a relationship worlds apart, will eventually learn that relationships held mainly by internet exchange; are not the same as two people actually experiencing life together in person. Compatibility is better confirmed by living together, or frequent in-person interaction. There is no substitute for the actual tangible experience. Dating in person and courtship allows a couple to touch, to exchange intimacy, and to observe each others habits. It allows them to form firmer attachment through physical interaction; and they learn to compromise better during disagreement. You can also learn how to deal with each others personal quirks and flaws. You can't do this by Skype!!! If he was able to visit you more frequently, he would form a stronger emotional attachment. While he may care for you, you are still more of a friend than a lover, or romantic partner. You formed attached based on familiarity, loneliness, and habitual communication. Little else.There is too much distance to form a normal human bonding. You are both mostly two talking screen images. You, being a female, will emotionally attach easier than a male. You have put your life on hold for 3 years settling for a fantasy relationship. It was enough for you to develop strong feelings. It was not enough for him. So he has not seriously considered marrying you, and he has a more mature and realistic attitude toward this situation.You don't state his age; but he is wise not to encourage you, or build up your hopes. He has to also consider cultural differences and where he would probably prefer to settle down. You may want to be closer to your family. Do you speak Slovak? You could suffer culture shock, if he insisted on living in Slovakia.Many Asian women, and women of many other cultures, travel around the world to marry men of different nationalities and ethnic backgrounds. Reality sets in, and they often suffer serious depression due to isolation and extreme cultural maladjustment. You will probably want him to move to the UK; but immigration issues would cause a great deal of complications and frustration that could strain your marriage. He would have to find work, and completely uproot his life. His life is already established in his country. Being older, he is less likely to leave his familiar environment.It would be easier for you; but there are many variables to consider when you hardly really know this man. People argue a good case in favor of their LDR romances; but that's all they are. "Romances," by true definition. Will they sustain the test of time and distance? They rarely do.Distance can destroy even the most established domestic partnerships or marriages. LDR's are only sustained by the hope of finally coming together for keeps. Few survive, and there is nothing more than anecdotal evidence to substantiate those that do. They are rare as diamonds. You may maintain your friendship indefinitely. I wouldn't recommend planning your future with this man; if he isn't considering marriage, and it's what you want.So you will now have to consider trying to see if you have what it takes to carry on a relationship with someone in the same country, village, town, or neighborhood. It's a lot tougher than talking to your computer screen; but it's much more rewarding. You actually get to kiss, hold each other, and look deeply into each others eyes. Wouldn't you appreciate having him touch your face when you wake up in the morning? Hold hands when you take a walk.Kick him in his sleep when he snores, or hear his laughter in the next room. You only get that when he can travel from one country to another. Waiting months on end just for a few moments together. His departure is excruciating.Find the real thing. Go local and in person. It's so much better.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (21 May 2013):
On one hand, I think you should be happy he is being honest and not stringing you along.
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