A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am quite a bit distraught about my husband. We are married for 6 month, were dating for 2 years and then 1 year after proposal. He is a good man, good natured, generally happy. What I worry about is several of his qualities that started to really worry me. He does things that don't make sense. He always find the most complicated solution to everything that needs to be done. Mostly he likes to talk about how he will do this and that but then he never gets to it. For example, he bought a pressure cleaning machine only to never clean anything ever. Our backyard is black in color from all the mold, but he just doesn't clean it. Yesterday I pointed it out to him again, he said he will do it, but then at the end of a day said he will do it in a morning, then he slept in and it was not done again. We bought refrigerator that didnt exactly fit into the kitchen cabinets. He told me its a couple hours job, which turned into several days of refrigerator standing in a middle of a kitchen without him touching it, until I got really upset and he finally did it. He also has a habit of not letting me do things by saying: leave it , I will do it and then he forgets immediately. I stopped sharing with him what I plan to do and just do it.,He wanted to work on a front yard only letting it go to a condition beyond misery until I called landscaper. Now vacation. We are going to Europe in April, and he doesn't show any interest whatsoever.,not where we will stay or how much money we need or what we re going to do. It's a long vacation, almost 3 weeks and he expects me to do the whole planning all by myself without showing even a slightest interest. Is it unusual or this is just me thinking that? I feel like I need to be in charge at all time with him otherwise nothing is ever done .
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 January 2015):
Procrastination is the root of all evils....having said that I believe some wise men said to make sure to ask "more than once". Actually, asking only once is almost a sin. Nagging is normal in these situations and I fully endorse it.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 January 2015):
 So was he raised by a single mom or how about the dad?
I mean if his mom is the same way, it can be learned behavior, but I would still question why he has so little interest in the vacation.
That would drive me up the wall. My husband is a procrastinator - he is FULL of golden ideas.... but when push come to shove and things needs organized he is VERY good at take part in the planning.
Who picked the countries? And how many did you pick? Could it be it's a little overwhelming for him?
And out of curiosity what does he do for work? Is he structured there? Does he put in good work?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2015): Honeypie, the vacation is long planned. Its actually our belated honey moon where i used all my frequent flyer miles for airplane tickets. The rest we can afford. Its not the problem at all. Its just him not even show any interest.
His mom is like him, very sweet and quiet woman.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 January 2015):
He seems like a typical male to some points. My husband is FULL of GREAT ideas that he wants to do, knowing full well he has no "skills" to actually make them happen. Which mean "home improvements" are .... something I avoid if I can no do it myself or I call a contractor WHO can do it and finish it.
Procrastinator to the fullest.
Now the European vacation, is it something you can easily afford? Or is his disinterest because he is worried how you are going to afford it all?
If you can easily afford it (and I'm not talking about using credit cards to pay for it) then I would sit him down - give him a week of the 3 weeks and tell him THIS is YOUR week to plan, here is where we are going to be... IF HE doesn't PLAN a thing, then you DON'T DO a thing, or YOU do it by yourself.
What is his mother like? Is she domineering? The one in charge?
I would quite honestly, talk to him.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Some folks can organize stuff and some can't. Sounds like he can't and you can so he 'lets' you do it all.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (20 January 2015):
 Haha I once had a boyfriend that is like that.If you were with him for 2 years before marriage, there's no way you didn't see this. Maybe you've always taken the responsibility and did every thing for him. Maybe you spoiled him and now he relies on you.I have a strong personality and like to get things done, so instead of waiting for him to do it, I just get working and get the tasks done, whether it be handy work around the house, cooking, cleaning, or planning. I'm a better planner and more organized than him, so I've always taken the responsibility. I think you are the same.You must realize you can't change him. He won't suddenly become more organized or efficient. He won't suddenly come up with genius itinerary for your Europe trip. If you want him to take on more responsibility, you will have to be patient, work on one thing at a time, and most importantly, you need to let go of the tasks. Stop doing everything for him. Best of luck!
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