A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I've been dating a guy for about 4 months and I have been spending the night almost every night for about 3.5... He has always been hesitant to call himself my boyfriend, but I let it go because he was always so nice to me. He took care of me when I was sick, helped me though hard times, helped me with homework.. This makes me a horrible person, but he left his email open on my computer and I saw that he was having sex with another girl on the nights when I didn't come over. I feel so used and dirty and I don't know what to do...I can't tell him that I read his email, but I don't want to see him again. I'm so upset. I thought I was falling in love with this guy and he acted like he was too and now I know it was all a lie. It's stupid because he talked to me about having sex with other girls, but I always thought it was a joke because he acted like it was and like I was the only girl in his life...I want to tell him I found out because I'm so angry about it, but I don't want him to know I read his email...Honestly I have no idea what to do. I'm so hurt and confused. Any help is appreciated. I know I shouldn't have read it. I wish I hadn't.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 What do you really want ? If you want a faitfhul,monogamous guy, -clearly he is not, so I'd say, just walk away and don't look back.
I understand that you are not only hurt but also curious. You want to know if the horrible things he wrote to his friend, about using you etc. are true or not.
But :
- how would you know,whatever he says, that he is sincere ? can you totally trust him ? Obviously not.
- what do you care , why it happened. The fact is, it happened .You thought and wanted to be his only girl, - and you weren't. How are you gonna change this ? Do you think he is gonna say: Ok, sorry, from now on you'll be the only one ?- Think again, he does not want that . He never wanted the title of boyfriend, and he even told you he was having sex with other girls !
So, just walk away, and use this disappointment as a learning experience. You have learned not to let your wishful thinking cloud your judgement and perceptions.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): This is actually the same person as posted this, but I thought I'd add one more thing...I rejected this guy last summer and dated someone else. In one of the emails, he told a friend that he would "have his revenge" on me for rejecting him the first time and that he was using me to make another girl jealous...
I just don't understand how someone could drag this out for so long.
I guess my real question is should I just walk away and never speak to him again or should I talk to him about what happened? Or talk about it in a way that doesn't imply that I read his email?
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