A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a twenty-two year old, single female whom just earned her Bachelor's in English. This past Fall, I started work at a local high school where the majority of faculty men are either already married with nearly grown children or in some way committed to somebody. I am quite literally the 'newbie'. I have also always been a shy one and at this point in time, I severely regret that disdainful trait of mine. I know that I still have time left, but most of my friends are getting married outside of college and one friend of mine already has a one year old and is planning for another. I feel like I'm in a race against time when I'm fully aware that I still have close to twenty more years of procreation abilities.But my real problem is this: Yes, I had a first love that lasted seven years starting in middle school and ending at the end of my freshman year of college and the end of his first year of service in the US Army. And honestly, that was the first and last relationship I ever had. We did everything imaginable that a young couple could and would do, but he was it for me. After him, I had no one else. Fast forward three and a half years, he now lives about forty-five minutes from me where he is currently stationed as Army personnel; he'll remain at his current residence until August of next year. He doesn't have a wife or girlfriend and no children. He has to serve in the Army for another four years, though.I am, admittedly, still in love with him and he's told me the same thing about me. We have been talking a lot lately and apparently he had one sexual partner after me and it was a one-night-stand six months after we broke up - he told me he used a condom. I'm just not really sure how I feel about that. Of course I want to be back with him and he's told me he's ready for a committment, but I'm still kind of hurt about the fact that he had sex with another woman while we were broken up. And even though I shouldn't feel jealous or hurt because I honestly have no right to, I still can't shake it. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): Wow: He's only had one orgasm with one other woman, and he's 22. I tell ya -- you ain't gonna find many desirable 22 year old men with that track record. Are you hurt? Yes, it's natural to feel a bit jealous -- there's nothing wrong with that. But, don't let that define your relationship -- you'll lose it if you do, or it'll make you both unhappy. (Admittedly I'm still jealous of my wife's one night stand (something she regrets, she says), 20 years ago, before she dated me, and I've about ten women in my day; but it really is silly to even think about...)
Also, more importantly, what's the rush to get married?! Good gosh, you are about to start to enjoy your new education, life, career; and you're also jeaolous of 22 year old mother?! What are you crazy?!? You just started to LIVE. Enjoy it. This is a wonderful period in your life. If you truly love this guy, go for it. But it is not a bad idea at all to have other experiences with other people. I think you might be clinging back to a comfort zone, and a memory of stability, particularly after you just graduated from college, starting to teach at a new school as the "newbie" -- it's difficult being the new kid on the block, and most people feel ackward and shy. Howewver, with experience, and after your first year or two, you will start feeling like the old hand on deck, and be able to help the newbie (...lots of people forget what it is like to be the newbie). So my advice to you is LIVE, LIVE, LIVE. Have different experiences. Settle into your new job a bit, and then start mingling with new people in different places. Take graduate courses for fun to meet interesting people, or sign up for a sport. If you don;t, you might not regret it now, but you will likely regret it in ten years.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): you guys weren't together, besides most guys would have lied he told you the truth,so get over it and run to his arms and get you some...lol :)
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