A
female
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anonymous
writes:Thanks in advance to any who answer here. I have been seeing this guy for a momth or so. He recently told me that he comes with too much baggage as his mother is dying of cancer...he feels stressed and he does not want to lead me on and does not feel that the situation is fair for me. He know how I feel about him but he wants to wait see how things go. He says that he feels that the relationship may have moved too fast and he wants to get the friendship back on track. I am not sure if this is his way of letting me down gently as he does not want to continue or if he just wants to slow things down. My gut feeling is to back off for the next little while...just a little confused. Any feedback appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Farris  +, writes (18 March 2007):
 Be his friend, above everything else.
It may be tempting to try to be his saving grace through all this, but you've only been dating him for a month, so he probably won't feel as close to you as he needs from a relationship right now.
His head is going to be really crazy with everything that's going on in his life, and making even more complicated with a relationship won't help him.
I know it's hard if you *really* like him, but you should give him the space, but also the support he needs. You never know, in a year's time he might look back on what a great friend you were for him, and want to give the relationship another try when he can fully focus on YOU.
Good luck & Best wishes!
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 March 2007):
 If his mother is dying of cancer then he WILL be stressed and nothing in his future will be certain at the minute, especially a relationship. He's only being honest with you but I wouldn't back off regarding friendship. Be there for him as a friend and put any intimacy on hold for now. The way he's feeling he can't promise you anything at this time so don't expect anything from him at the moment but his friendship and someone you can get to know better.
In the months to come, I'm sure he'll be glad of your friendship. If you can be his friend then he'll have a lot of respect for you as a person and this will help with regards to any future you may have together.
In the meantime, don't put any pressure on him, don't expect anything more than friendship from him and be there to build him up and reassure him. I think he needs YOU just now more than you need him.
Eve
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A
female
reader, xlindax +, writes (17 March 2007):
I personally don't think that it is his way of letting you down, i truly belive that he is just being open and honest with you. If his mother is dying, this is obviously a very traumatic time for him. What he is probably trying to say is that he wants to spend a majority of time with his mother in her last days, and will therefore not be able to spend much time with you. If he is focusing all his time with his mother then he does not want the added stress of feeling guilty about neglecting you over this time and therefore thinks that it is easier to just 'cool' everything off for a while whilst he is dealing with his problems. If i were you i would respect his choices at this awful time and be there for him as a friend and a shoulder to cry on or as someone who can keep his spirits up or just have a bit of time out with to have a laugh with when times are getting tough for him. Perhaps at some point when times aren't so hard for him, you both may want to take your relationship to that next level again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2007): Take a step back here the poor guys going through hell of a time, you should be grateful hes being honest with you and from what youve said i think that you should "back off" (relationship wise) but also let him know youre always there for a chat or a shoulder to cry on. he obviously knows you like him so just give it time and be there for him. i know you like him but would you rather friendship than not having contact with him at all?
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