A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:What shall I do?My bf and I have been dating for a few months and I thought that everything's perfect until we had a fight recently. Over some stuff I say that I completely do not mean it and I really do not see a bit deal of, and he takes offense at it even after I explain that I really didn't mean it.He went on to say that he thinks i'm spoilt, immature and sometimes he thinks our lvl of thinking is different.I know there's some truth in what he said and it just makes me feel like I'm not a good enough gf for him. I can't support him in anyway and I'm not even mature enough compared to his ex-gfs or other girls to deal with a mature relationship.We are still together, but I feel that we were close to a break up. It's been a few days and yet we have not said anything nice to each other yet (like I miss you etc). Do you think he is taking some time to cool down?He also told me that he's not ready to settle down anytime soon and hope that i'm not.What do you think is happening now? Obviously he does not love me as much as before. Is this normal? How should I respond?
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reader, 19agegap +, writes (21 November 2007):
19agegap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks, your answers had been helpful. We're still together but it seems like things are different. As in we've become friendly to each other instead of being yourself and just be loving. I feel as if now I have to watch whatever I say to him and I cannot be my giggly, stupid self who likes to watch crap tv. Isn't it important to have a relationship where I can tell him every single thing if I want to? Where 2 pple will actually enjoy talking about why yellow is yellow for example and laugh over it. Is this a normal phase after a fight? He did not tell me he still loves me, or he sees us getting married (eventually). I asked if i'm still his gf and he said of course. And today I told him i will be a good gf and be of support to him. As long as we're serious about each other the problems will be solved. He just said cool let's enjoy it. To me, it really does seem his interest in me has waned. I begin to suspect this might have happened to his ex-gfs too....as in after a few months he'll think they're spoilt and immature etc and dump them before moving on to the next. But again, I should trust him but I have to be protective of myself. But despite whether he's a good guy or not, I just feel that it's very tough to match up to his expectations
A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (20 November 2007):
 My definition of love is not to do with being spoilt saying wrong words sometimes etc. Its understanding knowing and feeling the other party's soul and heart.
And thats going to happen whatever stupid things you or he would say to each other sometimes. He does not fully means what he says also.
So dont worry cool down...Love comes naturally. And the love you have towards him also is not a real love yet. Love takes time and experiencing life situations together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): He's probably normal inasmuch as a man says exactly what he thinks and expects a woman to do the same. He doesn't play silly mind games. If you don't mean something, don't say it.
He's right - you're maybe immature and you need to grow up a bit. This isn't to say you're not good enough for him, but stop playing silly games and saying things you don't mean, because he'll take you at your word, no matter what you say. Men are like that - straight up and down.
He's not ready to settle down because he probably thinks you're acting a lot younger than you really are and he can't cope with that.
Phil
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (20 November 2007):
 If this happened to me, I would find myself someone else. He goes out with you, yet he says you're immature. Why would anyone want to go out with someone that they thought was immature? Sounds like a head game to me, or maybe he is saying all those things because he is still offended by what you said. I think this sort of thing has happened with me and my bf before. He says something that is intended to be a joke ie "imma shove a bottle up ur ass" but I get offended ne ways. He agreed to stop saying those kinds of things to me. Maybe you should ask him exactly WHY he is still offended at what you said. For me it was a respect issue-someone telling me about physical stuff they are going to do to me (even if it's "just a joke") I felt wasn't being very respectful torwards me. Your level of thinking is SUPPOSED to be different. That's what makes you both unique people. Ask him if he still wants to go out with you, and ask him, why, if he thinks you are spoiled and immature, does he still want to go out with you? And don't let the "cos i love you" crap fool you. He needs to love you fully. If he's "settling" for you, he's never going to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
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