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He says he loves me, but then tells me to stay away while. He keeps going back and forth between me and his ex from before me. What is the deal here?

Tagged as: Dating, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 August 2008) 1 Answers - (Newest, 26 August 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, *ab455 writes:

I have been dating a guy for 1 1/2 yrs.He is 40 I am 29.I knew him from having our horses at the same farm,never paid any attention to him as we were both in serious relationships when he moved out there. After some time I broke up with my boyfriend and was single for 1 yr.He was still in his relationship.She the GF went to the farm a couple of times and made shows and a lot of drama.

Never got along w/his family including his so,burned his bed, cut up clothes and various other things. Eventually he left that relationship.

After a while 6 months or so we became friends and we started going out.Things were ok for a while and then we started to have problems.He does not like to argue and when he gets stressed out he locks up.I like to talk about the problems maybe even too much and tend to nag about them.

Last year we broke up for about 1 month and he went back to her and then they went out of town for 1 week. When they got back they got back in an argument and we talked things out and got back together.

Again we did ok for a while and then in May of 2008 we broke up.We remained friends.After 1 month he tells me that she contacted him again and that he knew he was still in love with me but that we had too many problems and that he is confused.

He just turned 40 on 08/09/08.Two weeks ago we got into a fight over the situation and he said never to call him again.So i have not not even for his b-day.

I wonder does he care?Were the problems too much?He will not admit to people that him and her are dating why?The people that do know he tells them that he knows she is not half the woman I am and that he loves me but he does not want a relationship now?

He tells them that he knows she is not the woman for him. What does all this mean? Now it seems like he tries to spend every waking moment with her. He has pushed his son and family aside for this woman.I do not know what to think or how to get over this. I have not spoken or seen him in 3 weeks. Now I feel like I didn't mean anything like if I wasn't worth anything to him. He says that I abandoned him but how was I supposed to tolerate that situation?? How was I to continue in that triangle...at least what he tells people is that I abandoned him when even his own sister said you need to give yourself self worth. She told me if he wants you he has to make the decision to only be with one of you. The last argument we had he told me to leave him alone that he couldn't take it anymore. But yet...he is at her mercy why?? He told me he loved me and that he was confused.

View related questions: broke up, got back together, his ex, moved out

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A female reader, TELLULAH United Kingdom +, writes (26 August 2008):

TELLULAH agony auntHi,

For whatever reason he has, he cant let go of her. It could be love or a habit he cannot break. Whatever his reason is, you should leave him to his own devices, and let him sort himself out.

You on the other hand have so much to give, so why wait around for a 40 year old guy to decide what you should be doing in your life.

Get on with finding a man that wont do this to you, that can show some kind of comitement. I dont think that your ex ever will. And even if you did get back together, will he run back to her at the first sign of a problem, with you.

Do you want to live your life waiting for him to grow up and make up his mind? its your choice, but I think he is playing games with you both.

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