A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me in May because he was very stressed and basically he loves plans and planned out his life and his plans failed and he became very despondent. Since I was in his "plans" apparently, he realized that obviously doesn't its going to work out so he broke up with me because I might or might not break up with him 5 weeks, month or years down the line and hurt him. He never gave me a rational excuse, he just told me that it can't work out, he's been hurt before, he doesn't know if he can trust me (he's a little jealous but I even stopped going out without him around to make him feel more comfortable!) He broke up with me over text message. He refuses to see me in person to do it. He refuses to give me my stuff back. I know this sounds crazy... but I want him back. I haven't seen him since early June, so over a month now, and havent had any contact with him for over two weeks now. From everyone's experience on this website, do you think it is possible that he will come back to me? Try to contact me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Yeah. Your welcome. He just said that whole spiel about how "YOU weren't dedicated enough to him," to deflect blame from himself and onto you. He just said that to make you feel like YOU did something wrong so that you'll think that he was justified in leaving you. But the truth is that you didn't do anything wrong. He just wanted out of this relationship for his own reasons and issues. But him saying that to you had the adverse effect of you trying harder to prove him wrong but as you can see it made no difference on his feelings toward you because he wasn't being honest with you to begin with.
Oftentimes when men break up with you they'll give you a million reasons as to why they want to break up, often blaming you, when in fact, there is only ONE reason why a man breaks up with a woman: he just doesn't love her anymore...that's it.
That's why if somebody doesn't want to be with me, I don't ask questions and I rarely pay any attention to their excuses. If he loved you he would have worked out whatever issues you both had and he would be with you. But he didn't. He broke up with you. No matter what he says, that only ever means one thing: he doesn't love you...That's it. Nothing more to it. Its not you, its him.
Now you know for the future...And be strong.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response below. Yes, I know NOW that you're right which is why I haven't gotten in touch with him. I kept talking to him before b/c one of the reasons he broke up with me is b/c he was concerned that I wasn't dedicated enough to him, so I thought that if I just talk to him again, then he'd realize how much I truly care. Needless to say that didnt work b/c as I mentioned in my original post, its all in his head, and only he can make the choice to change how he thinks.
But yes, I still think that is rude to keep someones stuff when you have made it clear you dont want anything to do with them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Anything's possible. But my question to you is if he broke up with you in May, why has it been only two weeks since you have last had contact with him? So he has some of your things, are they really that important for you to have back? C'mon...The more you pester him, and keep contacting him, the smaller and smaller your chances are of him regretting his decision. He broke up with you, so have some dignity and let it go. If someone breaks up with me, the LAST thing I want to do is call or see that person. When you get dumped you naturally feel torn and weak and depressed. You don't want that person to see you in that light. You want them to see you strong and fabulous. And it takes time before you can feel that way again. Furthermore, why do you want to show someone who broke up with you that you still care? Even if it kills you inside, you have got to atleast act like you are fine and you don't need him. And the only way to show that is to LEAVE HIM ALONE. So just focus on not giving him any indication that you care (that means stop calling him for good) and in the meantime try to move on and focus on yourself. There is no better revenge than to be strong and dignified. That alone is what's really going to make him rethink his decision.
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