A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ever since the beginning of the year I have felt different towards my boyfriend of 6 years. I used to feel a connection, but now not so much. We still get on very well, but it's like we have separate lives, despite the fact that we live together. When I cook dinner for us, he eats it at the computer rather at the dinner table with me. For years he pushed for us to eat together like "normal people", but because of our different job times that was hard, now we can finally do it and he goes and does his own thing when dinner is served. We went out on the weekend and he spent most of the night in one part of the club and I spent my time in another part. I forgot he was even there at one stage. He never wants to go out, spend any money or do anything. I haven't been on a holiday in years - even for a weekend! He is always going off at me saying we can't afford it, yet when our computer died last week he couldn't have gotten out there and bought a new one quick enough.I am not sure what to do. Every time I bring stuff like this up with him it ends in some huge fight and he storms off. Even though I don't expect him to be a mindreader, I feel like I shouldn't HAVE to ask him to do things such as eat dinner at the table with me, it should come naturally. What do you think? :-(
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 You can always go out with your friends, spend your money or go on holidays without him.
You do not have to depend on him for your happiness. Get control of your own life and do what you like.
A
female
reader, cnith  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 well, if for years you didnt really "want" to eat at the table because you were working, it makes sense he adjusted to eating at the computer.Maybe you shouldn't "have to" but guys can go ditz and one tracked so you're going to have to say something.Say something like hey, babe, can you come eat dinner with me at the table please? I want us to start doing that again. I really miss it.If you want to go on a holiday say, hey hun, I've been saving up some money (or say WE have some savings) and I was thinking we could get away to X (location.) Wouldn't that be fun? Just the two of us frolicking like teenagers?The point is, you have to tell him what you want. Even if it seems stupid. I had to tell my bf I'd like communication every day, maybe every other day. We're long distance and you would THINK it would be obvious but no, it wasn't. He's never had to do it before so he never thought about doing it with me til I told him.I also chose not to nag him over it. That breeds resentment. I basically told him what I needed and left it alone. He's hiccupping from time to time but in general it's good. Most important for me is *I* dont get aggravated by it. Mind you, I've only been with this guy for 4 months. He should still be crazy about me, right? But no, this just wasn't obvious...You guys, no doubt, have slipped into a funky routine. Time to hitch that wagon back on track. :)But I do have a question. Why is it you're not married? Six years is an awful long time to wait for a ring. If it's your decision no biggie but if it's not and you want to bu the doesn't something weird's going on... Just my three cents on that issue. Feel free to ignore it. If you're no longer in love, maybe it's a good thing you aren't married but well...something has to change or you can just leave. That's the beauty of not being married. Walking away is easy. Well, on 'paper'...
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