A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend around 3 1/2 years. Last night we were having sex [Mod note: overly graphic details removed] he was seeing *everything* up close and personal so there was NO way he could have mistaken me for someone else. He was looking at my face, body, *everything*. Anyway, all of a sudden he made a sound and said something like *siiigh just*. Then he started getting off and moaning rather loudly.Ok, I instantly got pissed off thinking he called me his exs name "jess". This is the ex he wishes would get ran over by a truck. This ex would be a big NO NO. When I asked him he looked me straight in the face like he was in shock and said he didn't say her name and there's no way in hell it'd ever be her if he were to think of someone else. I asked him what he said that sounded so *close* to her and he said he doesn't know that he doesn't remember but assured me it wasn't "jess".Right before it happened he'd told me to stick the vibe in me so I was thinking maybe he was going to say "just like that" or something similar and couldn't get the rest of the words out before getting off. In our whole relationship this has NEVER happened. When we're doing it with the lights on, like he loves, he's always visually into ME so I'm a tad confused. Do men ever get tongue twisted during sex or say things that aren't what they seem in the heat of the moment?Before you ask me why it's a big deal to fantasize about someone else during sex; I've never said it is so please don't answer asking me why it's a big deal or telling me it's human nature. I know these things. I'm moreso wondering if there's a chance he really didn't say "jess" and was just going to say something else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is he *never* talks about her. She's only brought up if I bring her up, such as in the past when asking questions about their relationship or something. This is the ex that basically ruined his life. She led him to believe he had a daughter and then told him she'd cheated and it was the other man's baby.
She turned him against his mom, who has since passed away since we've been together. He doesn't talk about her at all, but if her name does come about he has *nothing* good to say. He truly hates her but never speaks of her. He acts as if she, and all his other ex's, don't exist. He's told me before that she was the worst girlfriend he'd ever had and did say that she hurt him the most. Prior to us having sex last night, her name was mentioned by me earlier in the day because I was using her as an example of something I was describing to him. He says he doesn't want to ever think about her, nor anyone else he's ever been with. And he doesn't like talking/hearing about them, ever.
One time in the past when we were fighting he screamed and called me "Jess". He said it was because he was so pissed and he felt like he did when he would fight with her. I think there are parts of me, personality wise, that reminds him a little of her but I'm not sure.
The whole sex thing I don't know. He always seems focused on me but he definitely said something last night sounded close to her name. It could have been jeez.. or he started to say something and then blended it in with yes and it came out all jumbled but I don't know. I was so into it it sounded more like "siigh just" but like I said I don't know. He's acting like it didn't happen and gets mad if I press the issue so I basically have to forget it. He said he wasn't thinking of anyone else during it and that he definitely didn't say her name. In the almost 4 yrs of our relationship, this has never happened before so maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (10 March 2014):
 As the first respondent said, it's really not that big of a deal if he did say "Jess" (which could also have been "just" or at a pinch "jeez").
But it sounds like you're a bit paranoid about Jess, which is not surprising. It's a bit/ lot weird that he STILL hates her to the point that he'd kill her if he had the chance, after so many years - that's not normal . I mean, I've had some pretty shitty exes but I wouldn't wish any worse for them than a stubbed toe.
Maybe you're looking out for signs that he still hasn't got over her/ their relationship? There shouldn't be so much hatred after 5 years unless something diabolical happened.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): Maybe he was muttering "oh jesus" while he was coming??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, let me add that this ex isn't the one before me, it's the one before THAT. So they were together quite a while and quite some time ago. It's hard to believe he'd call her name at random when he hates her guts and never sees nor talks to her. But it sounded pretty close.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt sounded like he sighed and then said "just" and then nothing else because he started getting off. He'd been looking at me on and off, with the lights on, the entire time and was looking at me when he was getting off so I really don't know. I do know that he absolutely hates this ex and would probably kill her if he thought he could get away with it. They were together for about 4 years and have been broken up for almost 5 years now. They don't talk nor ever see each other and he has NOTHING good to say about her.He got mad at me last night when I accused him. He looked at me and said "i was saying ohhhhh, when i was cumming" and when I told him I heard him say something sounded like "jess" right before the "ohhh" and "ahhhs", he said that would never, in a million years happen. He said she'd be the LAST person he'd ever think of. I even asked him what it was he meant that sounded so remotely close and he said he doesn't know because he doesn't remember. We were both lost in the moment but I know I heard him say something that sounded close to her name.If he *did* it's extremely out of character for him. He's never done anything like that and especially not with the lights on and us in the extreme positions we were in. He purposely reached up and turned the light on after we started f^^^^^g just so he could see me so it's confusing. I don't know.
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (10 March 2014):
Yup, plenty of people get tongue twisted. I did it with my husband once, during sex, and it was an ex I hated but that I spent three years with. Fortunately my husband is an awesome, laid back guy who did not overreact. He laughed it off.
Even if he did say her name, which is debatable, you need to be that chick who is as awesome as my husband, and let it go.
This is not worth getting worked up over, especially since you know he hates her.
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