A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So this is probably going to seem like a really bizarre question but I want an outside opinion on whether this is weird or I'm just being uptight or something.So I find that my boyfriend makes quite a few corrections about my messy habits around the house. E.g. saying I never wash up, asking me to rinse and dry around the bath after using etc. Drying around the sink after using. Ok so I do these things he asks (also I have tried washing up in the past but he has no hot running water so boils a kettle and says wait, I'll do it all together later.)Anyway that's sidetracking. He has this rayburn which can be used to heat the house, well he hardly uses it as coal is quite expensive. Anyway I tried lighting it the other week and he left me to it for about an hour. It was impossible. He wouldnt let me bring any kindling in because of causing smoke inside. He has some method of using a pile of firefighters in with a pile of coal. Anyway eventually he came in and took over and lit the stove.So today was very sunny day and we decided to have bbq in the garden. Bit cold but thought it would be fun. He said my firemaking skills are 3/10 so if we want to eat before dark he would do the bbq. Thing is he was being so serious. Like grading my firemaking skills. Don't you think its weird to give someone a mark like that. I find it so strange, I was like what are you on about? He said, based on previous experience it's about 3/10 possibly 4/10. I know it might seem OTT but I found the way he said it so weird, it was like talking to a machine or something, gave me the creeps and I don't think I like him anymore. He wasnt trying to be funny, he was all, I'm just telling the truth, all innocent like. Anyway I didn't even want to use the stupid bbq after that and I just missed my family and wonder what the hell I'm doing here stuck with this man I can't relax with who gives me grades on basic skills.Yeah so am I just completely uptight and should just chill out? I don't know anymore, feel like I can't trust my own judgement because he always corrects me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Rule a line on a piece of paper, on one side list the positive attributes you would like in a boyfriend, on the other the attributes you would prefer not to have in a boyfriend and then grade him against them.
If he ends up with a higher positive score, you may be able to learn to live with his annoying habits, if he has a higher negative score, then walk away, if the score is more equal you will need to decide if there is a chance of positive change or negative, or if you can live with his negative attributes for the rest of your life.
Personally, based past experiences, I would not be able to tollerate being graded, and I would walk!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2013): I would sit down and have a serious conversation with your boyfriend. Just explain to him that there needs to be a balance. You will try your best to make the house as hygenic as possible, but he has got to meet you halfway and stop obsessing over your different views on tidiness. If he's not willing to even do that, then, I honestly don't think it's worth discussing anything further with him.
Explain to him that you feel uneasy around him, and that his constant critism has dented your confidence. Emphasise that his behaviour is damaging your feelings for him.
If he wakes up and realises he's been a bit of a jerk, then stay with him! But if he laughs at you or is mean, then I think it's time to just give up. A relationship can only work if two people put effort in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2013): His grading of your BBQ skills sounds like a hint for you to start taking more responsibility for chores. OP you say you have messy habits around the house. That's his problem. If your constantly leaving the washing up to him and he has to be the one drying around the sink and so on then im not surprised he makes snide remarks.
Your not living with you parents now OP. Its up to the two of you to share the responsibility.
Whenever me or my partner take a shower we will dry the walls and around the bath. It takes two minutes. If we didn't do this the walls go black, the tiles become covered in mould and the house gets damp. That would take days and several £££/$$$ to fix.
After washing up we dry the sink. Stainless steel sinks can tarnish if left wet. Why, having spent a fortune on a house and new kitchen and bathroom would I want them looking tatty due to either of us not bothering with little chores?
You said, in regards lighting the fire, "Anyway I tried lighting it the other week and he left me to it for about an hour." so basically you tried and failed to light the fire for an hour at which point he had to take over and do it himself?
Im sorry if I sound harsh OP but I just think from what you have written that he is fed up of you not bothering and you are fed up with him reminding you of it.
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