A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. We are both in our 3rd year of college and busy. He is very much a prototypical 21 yr. old male who wants more sex (right now it's about twice/week). The problem is that I'm very busy and make a long commute to get to our college while he lives on campus. I am afraid that if I don't give it up more often that he'll cheat on me. We're not married so I don't feel like I owe him sex if I don't want to just to satisfy him, but at the same time I don't want to lose him. Should I just take whatever free time I have and run to him? Or should I just tell him to be satisfied with what he gets?He's only willing to go out of his way to drive to me when he knows that there will be sex which makes me feel like sex is all he wants me for sometimes... He will never say it is such a big problem outright, but I can read his face and know that it bothers him. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): i know how you feel my bf has an hour drive to get to me and sometimes tinks i owe him sex because he came up... doesnt seem to wanta spend ny tym unless he knows he will get something out of it...
i dnt agree tho, if i dont want sex with him i just say no-- im not gonna feel like i owe it to him cus truly if he loved me, he would want to come up sometimes just to be with me.
he expects sex every time and just getting his own pleasure while mine doesnt count., one he comes hes finished and then leaves.
im seriously sick of it but girl if sex is all he wants he would not stay with you for 3 years so he pbviously wants more than that.
good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): I think he's using you -- if he doesn't take care of you, and drive you home, or have you stay overnight, or some reasonable schedule that makes your life easier -- dump him. Men that age (and most ages) need sex - physically, psychologically, and emotionally - it's how men communicate their feelings. However, if you feel he only loves you before he gets his rocks off, and that he doesn't love you afterwards (the sex), and treats you like a dog protecting his bone (again after the sex), then dump him.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (27 March 2009):
Firstly, you dont owe anyone sex, not even your husband. That beleif that wive's should obey their husbands sexual orders is very outdated. If you dont want to have sex with someone, whether it be your bf or husband, or ANYONE, then thats perfectly ok. Dont feel guilty about it.
Secondly, any DECENT guy would not dump you just because you arent having sex with him, or the amount of times that he dreams of. I cant say whether or not your bf would dump you because of this, but honestly, if he is truly a decent caring person then he would not do this.
So no, you should not run to him every spare chacne you get, to have sex with him, just to please him. Especialy considering he doesnt seem willing to travel to see you, unless there will be sex. Thats horrible that he would do tthat. That must make you feel pretty bad right?
I think that you need to talk to your bf about this. Ask him if he worries about the amount of times you have sex and how important it is to him. Explain that although you love him, you cant do it all the time. Pay attention to his reaction- if he is sympathetic and understanding than he might be worth holding onto. If he tries to change your midn, pressure you, places guilt or blame on you or makes you feel bad about not being able to have sex with him all the time, then break up with him!!! He is not worthy of your love.
Take care
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