A
female
age
30-35,
*crdofyou
writes:The man I want to be with, always makes jokes about "aliens" being out there, and maybe they are the ones who created us. I am a God fearing woman, and when someone makes jokes about whom I worship, I take it to heart and it upsets me. He does not believe in God, and just likes to crack jokes about it all. How can I get over our different religious point of views, and move forward, without him thinking I'm a big baby, or TOO religious. Any ideas? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): Look, I'm a Christian and I believe in God. But mabye you have to respect other people's comments. If they think aliens created us... who even really knows?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): Hmmmm. his comment seems to be geared simply towards the fact that he knows about that "do not be unequally yoked together" thing, and that a lot of Christians will date only with an eye towards conversion (I would attempt to convert first, date second -- didn't work). He's letting you know that if that is your plan, it's not gonna happen. I think it's honest and refreshing to know where he stands. Now you can have lots of fiery discussions hashing it all out, and getting the respect you want and the respect he wants. :)
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (10 October 2013):
 Thank you for your replies, it really helps clarify situations when OP's take the time to update us :)
I think that you're defensive but I think much of that is caused by the lack of respect showed to your religion by your Dad and others.
As I said in my first response and you confirmed, your boyfriend is not attacking your God or your belief, he was just making an off the cuff remark or a joke.
I think his response to you, regarding how well the relationship is going, about not jumping on the "God bandwagon" could perhaps have been put a little more sensitively but ultimately all he's saying is "Yes, I want to be with you too but I won't be joining your faith"
His words were poorly chosen but his sentiment wasn't unkind and it was honest.
As for whether people having different religions can work as couples, yes! I think they can.
One of my dearest friends is a devout Christian (despite our different beliefs we get on great and have some fab debates about things too), her husband is atheist!
They have three beautiful children that have all been baptised, confirmed and go to church every Sunday with her. He doesn't believe so couldn't see why it would hurt and knew it would mean the world to his wife.
The children know Dad doesn't believe and they also know they have the right to choose their own path at any time.
My friends love each other immensely and they accept each others different beliefs with no holds barred.
My Friend is hoping to train as a minister soon and her husband is supporting her because he knows how much it means to her. She knows he accepts her faith although she knows he'll never belong to it.
He will affectionately say to her on a Sunday morning "You guys off to join the God squad then?" and she replies "Yup, you coming?"
It's a wonderful marriage and they are wonderful people.
I think you need to relax, not "suck it up" and accept his differences as he must accept yours.
Providing he's not dissing your belief then I can't see a problem.
I hope this helps AB x
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 October 2013):
 Your not compatible...
You are religious, you will be upset with some who has no respect for your views.
He is not religious, he thinks your beliefs are silly.
This cannot work, you can't pretend to hate god... he can't pretend that your beliefs are sensible.
Find somebody else or change your views.
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female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (10 October 2013):
scrdofyou is verified as being by the original poster of the question The thing is, he really doe believe in aliens. I dont speak about God to him, this all came up because I told him things are going great and he was like yea I'm not jumpin on the god bandwagon, then it went on from there.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 October 2013):
 You could talk to him and maybe if he has any respect for you and your views (he doesn't have to AGREE with them, but respect them) he could cut out the religious jokes FOR YOU.
For me this would be a deal-breaker. I'm not a Christian and would never date someone with very strong religious views myself. But the thing is, this isn't about your or his faith, it's about respect or rather.... the lack there off.
Now I have to ask do you bring up god and religion a lot? Because it could be that YOU are not respecting HIS views too. Just because YOU believe, doesn't mean that THAT is the one truth. Obviously, it isn't for him.
See, respect goes both ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): For what it's worth I had a father in law that is Catholic and a mother in law that is Southern Baptist. They got along famously.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 I was him for years and years then the Holy Spirit came and wacked me upside the head with a board. I still joke about religion...I like him joke about everything. If you take things too seriously you'll end up mad about everything. My grandfather once told me if you come accross someone who doesn't have a sense of humor dodge them 'cause they'll bring you down. Lighten up you can worship and gif=ggle at the same time.
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female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (9 October 2013):
scrdofyou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont take it too seriously, I love God and try and respect him is all. I guess Im so touchy because all my life my dad would literally say F God, etc. He doesnt down my God, and I like the man. I wouldnt seperate due to different beliefs. I just sometimes get agitated by the jokes. Guess ill suck it up, thanks guys!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): I like Aunty Babbit's answer. As an atheist, AND someone who was religious for 20+ years, I understand and remember what it was like to take religion so seriously that a flippant attitude such as your bf's would mortally offend me. Coming at it from your viewpoint, you have the opportunity to be with someone who is outside of the admittedly narrow bubble that most serious religions make you live in. How can this help? Well, it does help you keep an open mind: you find out what others really think and how they live. You don't isolate yourself to such an extreme that you stop being human. I would hope that it would put your religion in perspective, too -- you believe it and believe it's true, and it's how you want to live your life. Great! Hopefully (hopefully!!!) being around your nonbelieving man will teach you the validity of other people's belief systems without causing you to jettison your own. Everyone understands everyone else more. Everyone's happier. Sounds like a win-win. Let's talk about god for a moment. Capitalize it if you like. God. I'm assuming you believe in a God that is all-knowing, all-powerful, all-good, etc. etc. If He is out there, and if He exists as such an entity, he must think your boyfriend's sarcastic remarks are either funny (as Aunty Babbit said) or so minor that they don't even register on his scale. If there is a God, I personally believe that He loves the fact that He endowed us with brains, and that we can use these. I find it ironic and unlikely that most religions tell us not to use these beautiful, complex organs, for fear we might "lose our faith." ....so? If there is a God, I don't think he would care that we're exercising our bodies, our brains, and doing our best to be what we seem to be: human. After reading 50+ books on the subject and nigh-endlessly meditating, I have come to the conclusion that, for me, there almost certainly can be no God. That is the best I can do, and it is my most honest, searching conclusion. ...well, what if I'm wrong? What if there is a God? I don't think He cares, because I'm doing my best to be everything that I am, and being honest with myself and others. As I addressed my mother (as she was sobbing over my atheism) -- "If there is a God, all he has to do is pop out from behind a bush and say, 'Here I am!' The fact that he hasn't chosen to do that, and hides himself from all reasonable scrutiny, means that either he doesn't exist, or he doesn't care whether anyone knows of his existence. He can't fault me for doing my best to come to the right conclusion..." I know I'm rambling, but I'm trying to get you to understand where a lot of atheists come from, and why we don't think it's a big deal to make a joke about an entity that almost certainly does not exist in our worldview. As a Christian, if your religion lets you do this, perhaps you should incorporate the idea of God as a more benevolent, loving entity, who doesn't give a shit whether your boyfriend believes in him or not...he's there anyway. He still has everything in his hands. After all, he's God. Why should the opinions of a bunch of little 80-year-lifespan mammals running around on the face of that one planet matter so much to him? Unlike miss person, I do not believe that this is necessarily a dealbreaker. It's an opportunity for enlightened discussion and expansion of everyone's views. That is one thing the world definitely needs more of. I guess it's up to you and your bf whether it works for you or not.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): You really need to suck it up as it is your issues and not his, as long as he is not poking fun at you then let him get on with it, if it upsets you that much though I suggest you stay away from guys who are not religious as it will never end well
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (9 October 2013):
I have my own spiritual beliefs and do not expect others to have them, I do not talk about them, they are my own and personal to me.
I respect everyone's right to make their own choices about faith, whether it be an organised religion, something completely different or nothing at all.
Your boyfriend is not poking fun at you or your religion.
He has a different belief to you and likes to joke around.
He is not being blasphemous to your God!
Right, let's look at this.
You believe in God and also believe that He created the world and everything in it, right? If so then you must also believe that he created us in his own image, yes? Don't you think that God has a sense of humour?
You haven't met God, you have read about him, been taught about him, maybe even felt his spirit at work, but you haven't met him. How do you know he doesn't think that your boyfriends outlook is funny?
If I followed your religion I would like to think that God had a fun, quirky side and He would respond with "Yes, the aliens created the earth but I created them and they were employed by me to do it!"
Your not a big baby for having faith and I don't think you can be too religious. You're either a believer or your not, the problem is not your faith it's your attitude about it.
I think your guy is only have a laugh but if it's bothering you that much you either have to tell him to stop doing it or accept it for what it is.
Just a thought, I accept and respect others beliefs, even though they are not my own BUT I also do not expect others to follow, learn, understand, practice or tread carefully around me, watching everything they say for fear of hurting my feelings regarding mine.
If you would feel happier in a relationship with someone who has the same belief as you, then you must move on.
I hope this helps AB x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): Quit while you are ahead. Religion is a big deal breaker. If you make it so.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): You shouldn't care what he thinks about you. I'm a Christian and go to church, but I understand that tolerance is important. This guy is non religious, that's one thing, but he sounds intolerant! He has a right to his beliefs, but why does he have to put down religious people?
What is ''TOO'' religious? What religious? You have the right to be as religious as you want! As long as you seek the truth, and tolerate other people's beliefs, you can believe whatever.
Why can't you try finding a guy who has similar religious values? You're very religious, and he's anti religious. I hate to say it but it doesn't have the makings of a happy relationship. Have you thought of meeting a guy at church or something?
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 October 2013):
 This sounds like a pretty big dealbreaker to me. What happens if you get serious and have kids? If you are highly religious and he is an atheist, I don't see this relationship ever getting serious.
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