A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. My boyfriend of 2 years has recently been caught checking out match.com. When I found out I asked him about it and told him how it made me feel. His response at first was to deny it and then admited that he did but only to see if he knew anyone.He finally felt guilty or acted like it and appologize and understood how that would make me feel.Months later, he visited match.com again and then myspace. The worst part is he was searching for women within 5 miles from our house. This time when I asked him about it, he turned it around on me and said that he does not have any privacy and that I snoop on him. He continued to deny it and then said he did but did not search for anyone. Still to this day he has not appologized for it and still won't admit he even did any searching. What do I do?? Can I trust him or is he really looking to cheat??
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 I agree with Missmel34 again: "for all you know, he's already cheated". Brilliant line.
I only differ with her in one point: I wouldn't join myspace or whatever. I would simply dump the person.
Take care.
A
female
reader, imnotcircumsized +, writes (6 December 2007):
 I say you make a fake profile, pretend to be a different woman, and see if he would cheat. Why waste precious time on a man that is looking for another woman? I'm sure you can do much, much better.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 Hi - well I'll give you similar advice to what I have told a guy whose girlfriend is doing the same thing.
Carry on seeing him, you might as well carry on enjoying whatever benefits he provides. Meanwhile start looking out for someone else like he is, get a few phones numbers. Or join Match yourself as MissMel suggests. That way, if you later find out he is lying you've got someone else lined up like he probably has. If he isn't lying, maybe he does deserve a second chance after a few months of having a clean sheet.
Just to be on safe side though you ought to insist he wear a condom or avoid sex altogether if you believe he may have strayed with the casual sex fraternity.
Thats my advice to you. If it was me personally, I wouldn't finish the relationship, I would just stop 'giving' and just 'receive' for a while. It prepares your heart for the possible "fall" thats coming. It could be argued that would make things worse. Well it could, if the other person doesn't start changing their ways. But if they do change their ways , then I would 'reward' that changed behaviour (in many ways!!!!) If, on the other hand it did make things worse and they didn't change their ways, then I wouldn't want to be with them anyway.
Hope this has helped.
Take care
Richard
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A
female
reader, JujuBee +, writes (6 December 2007):
Sounds like he's being unfaithful.
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A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 For all you know hes already cheated.
If looks like a duck, if it sounds like a duck...its probably a duck.
You have 3 choices as I see it.
1) Ignore it. And bury your self respect along with your fears.
2) Dump him, move onto a man who will respect you.
3) Join match.com yourself, set up a myspace page and add him to your friends list. Whats good for the goose is good for the gander. Sorry for the poultry expressions.
You know, what he is doing, I can tell you for starters most normal women would not tolerate.
I guess if I were you, I'd give him a taste of his own medicine. I'd be making myself available and let him see it to.....right under his nose.
If he complains, say..."whats the problem, you do it??"
He'll either get the point...or it will mean the end of your relationship. Fact is, in the process of showing him up...you might find yourself another nice bloke within 5 miles of you. Killing 2 birds with 1 stone....oops another poultry expression.
Sorry.
Good Luck though....go get him girl!
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