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His lack of ambition and drive bug me, but only when I'm hormonal

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 June 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 27 June 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

This probably will sound crazy but I need advice. My boyfriend and I have been together close to 5 years now. We are very similar in many ways. However, he is very, very lazy. He doesn't do anything all day when I'm not with him (we don't live together but I stay over sometimes). He plays video games all day and keeps buying new ones (we are both 22). The only time he leaves the house is to go to class. He doesn't even have a job (supported by his mom).

I'm the only one working as of now and I go to an exercise class frequently, meaning less time to visit him (I work weekdays). During the time I'm about to get my period, I start letting the aforementioned stuff get to me. I start thinking about how lazy he is and how unambitious and un-supportive he is. And how he basically mooches off me because I'm the only one working (he always asks me to pick up our tabs). Then I think about breaking up with him. BUT when my PMS subsides, I take those thoughts back and feel bad.

It's a vicious cycle and it's been a pattern for a while. Is this just me being moody (perhaps I have PMDD? - I'm on antidepressants for other reasons) or is this something I am constantly subconsciously aware of? A "gut" feeling?

Please advise. Thanks :)

View related questions: ambition, period, video games

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (27 June 2014):

janniepeg agony auntA boyfriend should not have traits that bother you on any day of your cycle. Many people blame things on the birth control pill, but I've had been stressed out by incompetent boyfriends both on the pill or without. Your hormones only bring out things that are important to you. It releases pent up tension. It is useful so as a woman never blame things on your body chemicals. Listen to your body. It is your friend, your guidance, never a hindrance to a romantic relationship.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2014):

I had the exact problem with my ex. I loved him and still probably do. We've broken up quite recently but when your man has a lack of drive, trust me, it's not just you who it bugs. EVERY woman finds a man attractive when he knows what he wants. Being ambitious is something which is really important to me as I've supported myself from a young age, I ha y first job at 14 etc, but I don't think it should ruin your relationship just because he's not sure what he wants in life yet. Remember guys mature a lot lot slower than women! I broke up with my boyfriend because i realised that he was that lacking in anything I started not being able to see a future with is..and that's when I knew. Good luck!!! X

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 June 2014):

Honeypie agony auntHmm..

How to put this delicately?

I think when you are "hormonal" - you are less filtered. You realize that a future with him isn't going to happen the way you want it too. As in having a great guy who loves you, treats you, want to spend time with you but also have the possibility of being a good father figure and provider in the future.

Maybe honey, you have actually outgrown him. You are on the path to become a grown up, as in having a job, so you can BUY things you want. Where as.. he is STILL quite happy having his mom support him and YOU (his GF) pick up his tab.

I think when you are over your hormonal surge you realize that IF you end it, you will have to start over with someone else and maybe you are not ready for that.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (27 June 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntMay I "prepoligize"??? (that's "apologize" in advance, because I'm going to say (write) something that is worthy of an apology ... I know it.....)

It sure sounds to me like your pussy (and its hormones) is in total control of most/any/all that you do..... IF you KNOW that this cycle occurs.... why can't you determine how to break it?

More important (from my "Uncle" point of view)... WHY are you hanging around with a guy who is such a jerk?

Have a nice day....

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