A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with a guy for close to 8 months now. He has helped me a lot with issues from my previous relationship. (Had gotten out of a 2 year relationship and cut myself from my friends who dragged me out 7 months after when I met this guy).He's been with me and no matter the issues we've had we've worked through them. From my life getting threatened by my ex fiance to issues within my family and with my friends.He's been talking about marriage, just talking and about what we'd do in the future- since I'm not able to have kids so a normal family is out of the subjectBut we've also joked about a threesome and a few other things.i've noticed, since I have access to his laptop that he has been getting on dating sites and craigslist. He says its just profiles hes had before we dated and just got on to check, but they've been updated so it makes me a bit unsettled. Just not sure what to do or think.He claims the craigslist is just to play games with people and not do anything, since I do the same thing. I do it on request for people (I know, it's wrong) and he is involved and aware and permission is asked before doing anything of the such- since he's made the request before as well to catch a friends husband guilty of cheating on many occasions.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 December 2012):
 He is being disingenuous.
If he was that committed to you (talking about marriage and such) there would be NO NEED to CHECK much less UPDATE dating site profiles.
It sounds to me like you have a bit of drama queen syndrome which is very common with young ladies in your age group….
You say you can’t have a normal family because you can’t bear children. THAT my dear is a crock. There are many ways to have a normal family (i.e. two parents and children) that does not involve YOU doing the child bearing… adoption, surrogacy, etc… using the fact that you can’t get pregnant (do you NOT have eggs and a uterus?) as a reason why you can’t have a normal family is a cop-out (and a bit drama queenish) Basically you are saying that marriage and traditional values are only for women that can naturally bear children. So my current marriage (since I am well beyond procreation) is a sham and NOT real or normal right? WRONG.
“we've also joked about a threesome and a few other things.”
THESE are NOT THINGS YOU JOKE ABOUT. Threesomes are a lovely fantasy. I’ve had them. I’ve had foursomes and gang bangs too… MMF, FFF, FMF, you name the letters I’ve done it. I can strongly advise that it’s NOT in your best interest to entertain these activities.
Sounds to me like NEITHER of you is really ready to settle down.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 December 2012):
 I think if this is a problem you BOTH need to quit playing around in CL and dating sites.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): Sorry, but I think this guy is feeding you a line.When you are in a comitted relationship, you would not be "updating" your profile on dating sites. You would be blocking them, deleting them, etc.I would have a discussion about this, like, now. Maybe what or where your relationship is right now is not the same place he is and it's important you establish boundaries with what's acceptable and what's not. If he's in this for the long haul, he needs to get rid of those sites, and if he doesn't want to or starts to hide them from you, you might want to rethink the relationship you are in.Something else that stood out, was the mention of threesomes....don't go there. The two of you are not solid based on why you've written in the first place OP. And they often end badly.Craigslist is for bottom feeder low lives who have no class or respect for themselves...there is nothing safe or reputable about them whatsoever. If he's surfing on the "dating" pages, he's looking for something and it's not a toaster....
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 Dating sites in a relationship is a no-no.
Why would he need to check them? He has a gf that he wants to marry apparantly...That said, it would be unusual for him to be so open with you using the computer if he was doing something wrong on those accounts, but it just doesnt make sense why they wouldn't of been delted when you got together.
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