A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I'm at my moms friends house all the time ...I sleep here almost every night. She is like another mother to me and I've known her my whole life. She lives with her husband, her kids, and her brother in law. They are all like a family to me and treat me like I was one of there own kids because I've known them my whole life. It's not my moms friend I like...it's her brother in law. I'm a 15 year old girl. He is a 23 year old guy. Most people would say he isn't attractive but I find him to be very attractive. But I don't like him for his looks. I like him for his personality. The way he helps me through tough times. And the way he treats me like I'm not a little kid. I know he likes me a lot to because I heard his phone conversation with one of his friends. His bedroom is next to mine and the only this separating them is a false wall. That's why I could hear his conversation. He was talking about how he doesn't see me as a kid and he likes me a lot.. and if I were older we could have a real relationship. And he also said he thought I liked him to but he wasn't sure. My question is what the he'll do I do about this feeling. I cannot ignore it anymore, because the feeling grows every time I see him. I do not want to engage in anything sexual so don't worry. I just need to know what to do should I tell him and see what happens or do I do something else..thank you Im just so confused right now. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): yes, he likes you, and you can tell him, but don't go in to a relationship. he could get in to a lot of trouble, and if you did end up having sex, it would be classed as rape, and he'd be in serious trouble. so yeah, tell him, but don't go in to anything.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): My boyfriend is eight years older than me, but we are 24 and 32. We joke about what it would have been like if we'd met when he was 18 and I was 10... Or 23 and 15... The gap is just far too big at those ages.Don't tell him how you feel because it may not only jeopardise your relationship with him, but also your mum's friend. I know it is hard, but keep it inside for now, maybe date boys your own age and when you're 18, if you're still interested, maybe think about if the two of you could have a relationship. If (and it is a big if) he does like you back, he will feel extremely conflicted about the legality of the situation as well as his role as an older brother to you if you make a move... So out of respect for him, don't say anything. Best of luck :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): I'm 9 years older than my wife so I'm not against age gap relationships but in your circumstances it's just not possible in any kind of good way.
OP being 15 is very different to being 23. Do you think you could hang around his friends or your friends as a couple? Or go anywhere and be affectionate in public or have proper dates?
You have to be aware that any kind of relationship just wouldn't go anywhere, it couldn't be treated normally because 15 is very young.
Depending on your state you won't be legal for another 1-3 years in terms of consent and frankly OP people are not going to think well of a 23 year old man who has a 15 year old girlfriend. Also there is no chance you're going to wait that long to be sexual if you and he started something.
Biggest of all here though, OP is that he's pretty much family to you. I mean from what you're saying he lives there, and you spend all your time there too? You really shouldn't shit on your own doorstep. You have to consider how it would affect the rest of the family you seem to care about. They might not exactly like the idea of the two of you staying there together while you're in a relationship doing illegal things under their roof.
OP forget the emotion, forget the fantasy and what you would like to happen here for a little while and think long and hard about what can happen here on a practical level. Because if you think you're old enough to handle an adult relationship then you need to think like an adult and consider all the ways this may turn out badly and there are quite a few.
I say this to you, OP to prepare you because if he's in any way smart he'll tell you that nothing can happen at all between you two if you do decide to tell him. He was having a private phone conversation with a friend which you listened into and I have no doubt in my mind that friend was letting him know how wrong it would be and how he just cannot be with you in that way.
Be careful whatever you decide to do, there is just very little that can happen by telling him that will not end up with you being hurt. He'll either reject you, reject any kind of normal dating with you or keep you as his dirty secret.
If I were you I'd talk to your friend first about this and maybe even have a chat with your mother and/or your friend's mother about this. You see that's another part of an adult relationship, making sure it doesn't have any negative effects on people you care about. You have to consider more than just your own feelings about this here before you decide whether it's worth telling him.
Frankly OP I think you're better off telling your friend first, if they say it can't happen then there's no need to even approach the guy about it and your mind will be at ease. Talk to the people you care about and get their opinions on this, if you don't feel you can then it's simple not a good idea and there's your answer in itself.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (23 February 2014):
 It's reassuring to hear that you're not intending to consider a sexual relationship with this guy.
He seems like a nice guy and you appear to be quite sensible, the one concern I have, if I'm honest, is where you are emotionally.
You say you're 15 year old and sleep almost every night at this friend of your Mom's house. Why is that? Are there problems at home with Mom?
I ask this because if there are issues, it might be possible that you're attracted to this man because he gives you the attention and (possibly feelings of love) that could be lacking at home.
By all means tell this guy what you overheard but please remember he will be much more sexually advanced than you both physically and emotionally and I would be very careful about being alone together until you are a few years older.
The older you get the less the age difference matters and that's because, right now, your very young and impressionable, you're at the mercy of your hormones and will fall in love easily.
This is not a failing or a criticism, it's just a biological fact.
You're feelings are real and shouldn't be ignored or belittled but that said (as a mother of 3 teens) please take things very slowly, be sensible and careful and do not keep any relationship a secret!
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): Maybe you like him, and maybe he even likes you back. That's irrelevant. You aren't old enough. Don't do it. Too illegal. Not good for your mental health. Not good for his record. Stop. Stop it.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (23 February 2014):
 If you were 18 and he was 26 I'd say go for it. Once both parties are of legal age then age gaps are (in my opinion anyway) much less significant overall; how "big a deal" they are will vary mainly based on maturity level and life goals of the two people involved.
The problem is that although age of consent varies by state, at 15 you are too young to get involved with him physically no matter which state you actually live in (16 is the youngest that could possibly be "legal," but 20 US states have set the age to 17 or 18, which they are legally allowed to do.)
YOU may not feel that physical intimacy is something you need in a relationship at this point (and it's great that you recognize this and are waiting until you feel ready, so kudos for that!) but your crush is eight years older and has eight years more life experience than you do. Unless he is a virgin at 23, it is quite possible that he considers sex an important part of a "real relationship" and is aware it wouldn't legally be an option if he became involved with you. From a third party perspective, it almost seems as if that's what he was trying to tell his friend (discreetly) in the conversation you overheard.
I see no reason why you can't tell him how you feel (I doubt he'll be surprised or weirded out, as he has admitted similar feelings and already suspects that you like him) but please do remember that he's in an awkward spot with this and therefore the answer you get may, out of necessity, not be the answer you were hoping for.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): Since u already have a fair idea about how he feels about u, u should talk to him about your feelings. Unless he has someone else in his life, u stand a very good chance of having something meaningful.Go ahead, pluck up your courage and go for it. he sounds like a nice guy! Good luck!
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