A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of months ago. He was pretty desperate to stay friends with me and its what I wanted too. The breakup was his fault so I really felt like if he wanted to stay friends he had to put the effort in and he agreed. Since then his job has got really pressurised. He works 60 hours a week in a bar (nights) and has a sick mother to sometimes look after when he gets home. However all ive had from him over the past 6 weeks is one text and a facebook message.I understand that hes busy but surely if he cared enough he would want to make things up to me and put the time and effort in. I so fed up of always being the understanding one in a relationship and ending up hurt. He has a phone and a day off so why cant he use them? Ive said this to him but he just says he doesnt have the time. Am I being too demanding? Is it that he doesnt actually care or is it just the complexity of a relationship break up? What can I do to make him care? How can I forgive him for not being there for me when I need him most?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): Thanks everyone for your advice! I know I expect a lot of people but its because I give a lot out. Im just constantly disappointed that men dont seem to return the love they get....either cos they dont want to or they just cant be bothered enough!
A
female
reader, Ashleylove  +, writes (10 July 2009):
I have a boyfriend that is, in a lot of ways, the same. He too works so much and has to attend to his family. Even on his days off, I feel like I never get the attention I've been craving during his work hours. But over the time we've been together, Ive come to realize that since he's busy, he needs his space too and it doesnt mean he doesnt care. Its just how guys can be.However, since this is your ex, you dont have a lot of grounds to ask for more attention. Maybe this is an indication that your feelings are totally plutonic.
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A
female
reader, MonicaC +, writes (10 July 2009):
 Sometimes it's possible to remain friends with an ex, but it takes time to evolve into that kind of relationship. A 'cooling-off-period' is usually a good idea because it allows you both to pick up your lives and move on. It also gives you time to change your expectations and learn to live with the fact that you are no longer together as lovers/partners.I understand how you're feeling. You miss him, and you still care for him a lot. I'm sure he feels the same way, but you are no longer together as a couple, so it's time to move on. I think that the main thing is to give yourself some time to grow and try to think about yourself and your goals. In time, perhaps you can be good friends but without the expectations of a lover. I really hope you will be okay. Wishing you the best. Monica xo
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 July 2009):
 Yes, he is your ex. As much as it would be nice to have him around when you need him, he is no longer your BF. I think you are putting on expectations that he either don't really wish to fulfil or that are unrealistic.
I do think it has more to do with the break up then anything else. If you truly want him as a friend you need to give him a little space. It seems is isn't going to be there for you right now.
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