A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is allways checking out other women mostly ones with large breasts and butts when he is with me. ( i wounder what he does when i;m not there). there is looking and then there is pathetic constant gawking! I fell emberraced and also diss'ed when he does this . we are 15 yrs aprt , i'm older and he says it's not an issue . he says he loves me all the time and i think he does but he has no self control when it comes to this and i have told him this bothers me before and makes me feel like crap. but whenever we go anywhere he can't stop gawking like " i want you heh heh heh " i don't know what to say without starting a fight so i clam up. Advice, please? Lisa
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female
reader, charleston_belle  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Well, it's unfortunately just a fact of life that guys are going to look at other women! But the thing is to be confident in yourself and realize that just because he looks, that doesn't mean he wants another woman. My guy looks too, and I just always kinda' laugh at him about it, because when he sees that I am ok with it, he's more relaxed. Actually, it's him that gets jealous if I look at another guy! It's such a double standard I guess, but just don't let it bother you too much because he's with YOU....and he wouldn't be if he didn't want to be! You have his heart and that's really the most important thing! =)
A
female
reader, charleston_belle +, writes (11 September 2007):
Well, it's unfortunately just a fact of life that guys are going to look at other women! But the thing is to be confident in yourself and realize that just because he looks, that doesn't mean he wants another woman. My guy looks too, and I just always kinda' laugh at him about it, because when he sees that I am ok with it, he's more relaxed. Actually, it's him that gets jealous if I look at another guy! It's such a double standard I guess, but just don't let it bother you too much because he's with YOU....and he wouldn't be if he didn't want to be! You have his heart and that's really the most important thing! =)
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 Hi
You must realize that at the end if the day he is all your and no one elses. But the fact that you say that he doesnt just look he gawkinga and you have spoken to him but still hasnt stopped shows that he has no intentions to.You should think about whether you still want to be in this relationship or not.If you decide to stay then you areprobably going to have to deal with this forever. Also you can speak to him and give him an ultimatum,tell him that if he doesnt respect you enough to stop his wandering eyes then you are deciding to end the relationship and if he really loves you then he would stop if not cut down.You deserve that much from him.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (11 September 2007):
He may very well love you, however whats lacking in this relationship is respect from him to you. And you can't have a healhty loving relationship without respect both ways!
Have you actually asked him to stop doing it? What was his reaction? Did he deny doing it at all? Or did he say there is no problem in doing it so why shuld he change? Or did he say he just cant change?
He can learn to control himself- if he wants to! Where thes a will, theres a way. However perhaps he doesnt want to really stop checking out women cause he nejoys seeing attractive women?
Its clear that his behaviour is really hurting you and I think it would be to any woman in your shoes. Thats why something needs to happen here...either he changes his behaviour or you leave the relationship. If you stay and his behaviour doenst change you will be stuck feeling like crap. And you dont want that do you?!
I know its hard to talk about such issues with epople, especially when you are a person who truly hates conflict and likes to stay calm. However, talking about it with him DOES NOT have to turn into a heated fight. Approach him (dont confront) and respectfully tell him how you feel when he does certain things and then listen to his opinion and see from where things go. If you are afraid he will get all angry and loud and so on, before talking say to him, 'can we sit down and have a calm discussion about something that is bothering me?'..that way he will be warned and will know what you want.
Either way though, if it does turn into a fight its something you might just have to face sadly. You cant go on not facing this problem.
goodluck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Look - this guy is way too immature. Do you really want to be making an effort with your appearance when you go out only to have your esteem damaged by his rude manners. You say you have mentioned it to him and that he carries on. Tell him one more time. Give him one more chance but please mean it. We all look at attractive people - but staring and lusting after them is totally disrespectful to you and you deserve to feel secure and loved in a relationship. At the moment you are putting up with this behaviour because it is the only way of keeping this 'relationship' going. Don't stay with someone who makes you feel like this. He changes or you leave.
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