A
female
age
30-35,
*issSamanthamary
writes:k so a while back i found my boyfriend was watching porn and all this shit , and i never really did a whole lot about it like at first i told him it was over but he wouldnt let me leave so we worked it out but i dunno lately ive just been thinking about it a lot and its bothering me , so i asked him today like as a joke if it was okay if i touched myself , and he said yeah and then was like are you gonna do it and i was like maybe , and then he kept saying that its not okay and he got all mad , and was like if its not okay for me then why is for u and if you care dont do it and shit like that , i wouldnt actually do it im not into that kinda thing but i wanted to see his reaction and make him feel kinda how i felt , i think its kinda working but i feel really bad ,im i just being a bitch by doing this ? do you think it might help me feel a little better about everything? i dunno what to do anymore i just feel like i have to do something about it and i dont no what else to do but make him feel how i felt
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Hi there, double standard are not good. A relataionship should be equal and respectful. Porn is not bad but if in a realtionship again the equality has to be fair, no double standard shit and him with a secret porn world And yes it Ok to masturbate. Get rid of him he is always going to have the attitude of he can do whatever he wants and his girlfriend is going to be a lower pedastil. You are worth more than than.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Don't worry about the double standards thing, it's more like giving him a taste of his own medicine. The idea of you masturbating and getting sexual pleasure while looking at a guy with a huge schlong probably bothers him as much as his porn watching is bothering you. At least the men in porn aren't having things shoved up their a** or getting their penises slapped by women!
If he wants you to stop it, then that has to be mutual, he must stop as well. If he refuses to stop...learn to enjoy porn even more :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Well hopefully he can realize just how you felt/are feeling with that but similarly it may back-fire in that he thinks its ok to watch porn since you want to touch yourself. I wonder what would be the outcome if he said it was ok for you to touch yourself?
You're not a bitch for doing that but it is a bad habit on his part so it may take time for him to stop and feel the need to not watch it anymore, if he is willing.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 March 2010):
A man who has double standards is a man you shouldn't be with. Simple as that.
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A
female
reader, BagLady  +, writes (3 March 2010):
Double standards aren't good in any case.Why is porn bad? Beware of cultural and religious brainwashingWhy is masturbating not okay?I think you guys ought to answer those things properly, because people who disapprove of porn and masturbation have issues implanted by culture or society in advance...usually. It is an issue of trust in most cases. If you can watch an R rated sexy movie...you're watching soft core porn...HUH*THUNDER POUNDS-DUM DUM DUMMMM!*But no-you are not a bitch.But you may be sending mixed signals. To a person outside your head it seems-One day she has an issue with self gratification and dumps me-then later she wants to do it herself. You actually come off as someone with double standards-which is why he may be upset and surprised at what you said.Let me guess (and correct me if i'm wrong/send me an message)you feel like you walked in on him with another virtual woman or something akin to some sort of wrong doing. to see him sharing a sexual part of himself without you was hurtful in some strange way. But that's ok-you need to know why he is watching it. Porn is sexy and entertaining. It has no inherent problem in it...usually. Sex is always this red tape area we don't like to explore but we make up a lot of rules about it. you two might want to watch one together, one you both like and face those strange feelings you are having. Porn is just a form of entertainment. Drama makes your heart pound, Musicals fill your ears and you sing (maybe not outloud...but I am sure the music stays in your head or you catch yourself singing/humming the tunes to yourself. Romance movies make you want to look into your loved one's eyes and kiss deeply and make love. Comedies make you want to laugh. Porn is the same-it stimulates desire and makes you want to experience sex. It is no different than anything else you watch and feel and enjoy. Leave it at that and enjoy it.We have bad habits of taking ownership over our partners. His sexuality is not yours-he chooses to give it to you. The same applies to you. If he decides to enjoy it to himself (and doesn't have an addictive problem) or you with yourself it is fine. If you 2 want to share your sexuality with each other alone-then you both have to openly agree to it.But all in all you may be coming off as the one with the double standards.
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