A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Things have not been good through my life I have been made to feel lower than everyone else by bullies at school, work and my partner has not been nice. He has now had an affair and my esteem is at the lowest. I have no friends my husband and children have been my life. I have moved with his job for years and never really settled. I have no friends to discuss things with and I am finding the affair with someone much younger hard to cope with. I am staying with him but I have no life and can't face making a new life. I don't know where to start and I am pregnant which doesn't help ( I feel guilty because I wish I wasn't ). I wish I could feel happy with life and that I could get on with people and make friends like he seems to do. I've not met any of his friends and work mates as we live out side the city where he works (he says) I feel so down.
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female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (28 August 2007):
 Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment and it's understandable that you do.
The people who have bullied you throughout your life are just cowards who get their kicks from making your life miserable and are not worth the time of day...
Your husband's affair has no doubt made you feel insecure and you need to sit him down and tell him how his actions have affected you, get your feelings regarding his infidelity out in the open do not keep everything to yourself, it will be a painfull process, but needs to be addressed, you need to understand why it happened and be assured it will not happen again.
You say you have children, are there any groups you could get involved with, you don't say how old your children are but if they are young, mother and toddler groups are great for making friends, schools are often in need of mum's who have a little time, get involved with school activities.
Do you have any family who you could maybe go and stay with for a couple of days, a break away from home sometimes helps by taking your mind off your problems for a bit.
You need to love yourself more and know you are a worthy person who deserves to be happy. Try to get out and about a bit more, friends will come to you if you let them into your life, do not judge everyone by the bullies that made your life so unhappy in the past, there are decent people out there also in need of friendship...you could be the friend they are looking for.
You obviously have the internet, there are many sites that you can go on that will enable you to let off steam via forums, many people share the same problems as you have and will understand, I know I have many pen pals that I have meet through forums such as these, Google family support groups or search for sites that interest you, the world is your oyster and you have no need to feel alone.
Take care and I hope things go well for you.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (28 August 2007):
 I'm sorry to hear this hunni.
I know you said you can't face a new life, but surely you being happy comes in to this somewhere cause you sound really unhappy right now.
Can you learn to forgive and trust your partner again? If you cant then your relationship is pretty much doomed.
Being pregnant myself I can kind of understand you not wanting to leave him.
I have days where my self esteem go through the floor. It's like beeing a teenager again at times, with the hormones.
I can't tell you to stay or leave your guy. That's down to you. But on the friends front have you tried looking up local groups in your area for pregnant women or mums? I meet with a group of pregnant ladies once a week for tea/coffee and a bisvuit and a good old moan about swollen ankles and stretch marks. It might help you in the self esteem stakes.
If you want to leave your guy would your parents be able to help? Or a sister/brother?
Have you tried talking to your partner about why he had the affair. I know you wont want to know the details, but is there a hidden reason he went to find whatever with this girl. Like you and him not being "close" or the pregnancy or something else completely different. If you knew why he did it, maybe it could help you come to terms with it.
He also needs to know that he cant do it again.
Good luck hunni.
If you want to chat more about anything drop me a message :)
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